When talking with a friend who is living with a chronic condition such as dementia, you want to be positive and empathetic. So you may say, “Why, I know how you feel. I’m always forgetting things.” But instead of a warm appreciative smile in return, there is unexpected silence – because you really don’t know what living with dementia is like.
You have since learned it is more than memory loss. It can affect your balance, sight, and even your personality depending on what part of the brain is affected. And looking back, you wish you could rewind the tape and start over again.
When talking with someone with a chronic condition, it’s unreasonable to expect you’ll always say and do the ideal thing. You aren’t perfect; you’re not going to get it right all the time.
That is Jennifer Cramer-Miller’s message in her June 3, 2024 article “Is It Better to Say the ‘Wrong’ Thing Than Nothing?” on the Next Avenue website. She describes her experiences living with a chronic condition and how she dealt with comments she found hurtful and uncomfortable from good, caring friends.
She shares her fear that nowadays because we are so much more sensitive to saying something unknowingly hurtful, we may hesitate to say anything at all, terrified of saying the wrong thing. This hesitation to speak snowballs into silence and we withdraw from the friendship thinking “I never know what to say”.
But from her experience living with a chronic condition, she’s found conversations with friends offer a shelter from loneliness and those relationships can be the rock to help manage difficult times.
So, the answer to her question, “Is it better to say the wrong thing than saying nothing at all” is a definite yes. Think about what to say, but don’t stop talking!
The next question for your “Soul Portrait”. Where do you find comfort?
BRAIN TEASE: A boy was at a carnival and went to a booth where a man said to the boy, “If I write your exact weight on this piece of paper then you have to give me $50, but if I cannot, I will pay you $50.” The boy looked around and didn’t see a scale, so he agrees, thinking no matter what the carny writes he’ll just say he weighs more or less. In the end, the boy ended up paying the man $50. How did the man win the bet?
John Mellencamp’s stage name when he sang his early hits “Jack and Diane” and “Hurts So Good” was Johnny Cougar. I received correct answers from Trisha Walker, Donna Mollet, Judy Kiser, Dave Lutgens, Deborah Medina, Pat Evenson-Brady, Rhonda Spies, Jess Birge, Kathy Bullack, Rebecca Abrams, Keith Clymer, Rose Schulz, and this week’s winner of a quilt raffle ticket is Teri Thalhofer.
You may have played this simple card game when you were a child. A deck is divided evenly among the players. Each player plays their top card and the player with the higher card takes the cards played. But if the two cards played are of equal value, then the players place the next card face down and then another card face-up. The player with the higher face-up card wins all the cards played. For this week’s “Remember When” question, what was the name of this card game? Email your answer to mcseniorcenter@gmail.com, leave a message at 541-296-4788, or send it with a deck of Donald Duck Inspired Playing Cards by Bicycle.
Well, it’s been another week wondering how many times I have to do it wrong before I get it right. Until we meet again, every day is a chance to make new memories.
“Family life is a bit like a runny peach pie – not perfect but who’s complaining?” Robert Brault
I was going to use the Abraham Lincoln quote, “How many legs does a dog have if you call the tail a leg? Four. Calling a tail a leg doesn’t make it a leg.” But I looked back and found I used that quote just three years ago, and since I don’t want to repeat myself so soon, I’ll wait till later to share the quote.
This week’s Brain Tease answer: ˙ɹǝdɐd ǝɥʇ uo ,,ʇɥƃᴉǝʍ ʇɔɐxǝ ɹnoʎ,, ǝʇoɹʍ puɐ plnoʍ ǝɥ pᴉɐs ǝɥ sɐ ʎlʇɔɐxǝ pᴉp uɐɯ ǝɥ┴
