What don’t you want to talk to your children about? I mean besides sex. How about money.

This was pointed out by Rodney A. Brooks in his article “Family and Finances: Avoiding ‘The Talk’?”. He shares the advice of financial planners who believe older adults need to discuss their finances with their children. And children also need to review how their parents are doing with their finances.

(Whoa! Now wait a minute. Do I really want my children knowing about my finances with the certain lectures about how they should be handled? It was bad enough when my children said we had to stay home during the first year of the pandemic. We had to lie to go to the store!)

But the unexpected does happen: dementia, incapacitation, or death. Then your children will have no idea about your financial situation leaving your children in a mad scramble to figure things out without your help.

So why do many of us avoid family discussions about finances?

As I mentioned, we may feel the more people who know our financial situation, particularly our children, the greater chance of losing control and being told what we should do.

Also, it’s often hard to know how to begin the conversation. We don’t have much experience discussing money matters. It’s something we just don’t talk about. 

Finally, we don’t want our children to act differently knowing of their potential inheritance. Do my children care about me or their inheritance? (I don’t have to worry. My children know there won’t be an inheritance. They’re just relieved knowing they won’t be responsible for any of my debts!)

What are some ways to avoid difficulties when having “the talk” about your finances? According to several financial advisors, there are three actions you should consider.

Create one family financial organizer you can share with your children that includes key contacts, bank accounts, investment accounts, insurance policies, wills/trusts, and passwords. You can find different organizers on Amazon.

Identify a trusted advisor: someone who does NOT have power of attorney or authority to act on your behalf. Share their name with your financial advisor, if you have one, in case they feel things don’t seem right.

And as with most uncomfortable topics, it helps to have honest and direct communication – which is always easier said than done.

Your children are not the only ones to talk with. Does your spouse understand your financial situation? Often there is one in the marriage who is responsible for the financial decisions. You might feel more comfortable discussing finances with your children by first having a discussion with your spouse.

Think about having “the talk”. You don’t want to leave your children, and your spouse, the difficult, complex, and usually expensive responsibility of cleaning up your estate.

To read “Family and Finances: Avoiding ‘The Talk’” click here where you’ll find more financial resources and virtual classes.

The 1961 television sitcom featuring a talking palomino horse and Wilbur Post his hapless owner was Mister Ed. (I apologize if you now hear the theme song “a horse is a horse, of course, of course” constantly echoing through your brain!) I received correct answers from Rhonda Spies, Barbara Cadwell, Doug Nelson, Emmett Sampson, Gene Uczen, Dave Lutgens. Kim Birge, Lana Tepfer, Steven Woolpert, Julie Carter, Jack Bisset, Keith Clymer, Jim and Betsy Ayres, Tina Castanares, Kathy Vawter, and this week’s winner of a quilt raffle ticket: Margo Dameier who received a Mr. Ed talking hand puppet for Christmas when she was in 4th grade! And last week I missed Lana Tepfer.

This week’s question is about a common antiseptic from the ’50s. When I had a cut or scrape, my mom would paint it with this orange liquid that always stung. (But if I blew on it, the stinging would go away!)  What was the trade name of this antiseptic that some called “Monkey Blood”? E-mail your answer to mcseniorcenter@gmail.com, call 541-296-4788 or send it with your favorite memory of this antiseptic.

Well, it’s been another week and another quarter in the parking meter of life. Until we meet again, I know I should appreciate each season, and I do, but is it too early to start wishing it was spring?

 “A lot of people like snow. I find it to be an unnecessary freezing of water.” Carl Reiner

 Wow. It’s a new year and I’m still writing this column!  

 As 2021 comes to a close, I am reminded this journey of ours is not about living longer. It is about taking care of ourselves and others so we can gracefully live the rest of our lives with courage, compassion, and meaning.

With that in mind, I would like to share again this year, the lessons I have learned from writing this column for fourteen years and most importantly from the many older adults I have had the pleasure of meeting. You may remember these lessons from last year – or you may be like me and can’t remember what was written last week! And I have no excuse!

See if any of these speak to you and send me any lessons you have learned that you would like to share.

1. What is good for your heart is good for your brain.
2. Learn a new skill without worrying about how good you’ll be.
3. First steps to improve your memory: pay attention and focus.
4. Most things don’t matter, but a few really do.
5. The goal is not to get faster but to keep from slowing down.
6. Getting older beats the alternative, but it is hard work.
7. Accept what you can’t control – and then adapt.
8. Live in the “now”.
9. Know what you want and let others know – particularly your adult children!
10. “Dream as if you will live forever and live as if you will die tomorrow.” James Dean
11. Age is in your attitude.
12. Adeline’s five “S” to avoid: Sugar, Salt, Seconds, Soda, and Shortening.
13. Add color to your meals – meaning eat your vegetables!
14. Isolation kills. Stay connected.
15. Keep moving – at least 30 minutes a day.
16. Breathe from your belly.
17. See the world with virgin eyes and you’ll find the extraordinary in the ordinary.
18. Relationships are more important than things (although I still have an unhealthy relationship with my iPhone).
19. Grey hair is cool.
20. Life is too short not to be involved in something silly.

To finish, I thought I would include a few quotes appropriate for the end of the year that might bring a smile or two.

“You know how I always dread the whole year? Well, this time I’m only going to dread one day at a time.” —Charlie Brown

“If you want an interesting party, combine cocktails and a fresh box of crayons for everyone.” —Robert Fulghum

“I was going to quit all my bad habits for the new year, but then I remembered that nobody likes a quitter.” —Unknown

“Last year’s resolution was to lose 20 pounds by Christmas. Only 30 pounds to go.“ —Anonymous

“Youth is when you’re allowed to stay up late on New Year’s Eve. Middle age is when you’re forced to.” —Bill Vaughan

The popular snack (without the butter and salt) that was strung together with a needle and string (dental floss also works well) to decorate a Christmas tree is popcorn. I’ve received correct answers from, well, I don’t know. You see as you are reading this, I’m hopefully in the warm sunny climate of San Diego visiting my daughter and checking my weather app to see if it is snowing again in the Gorge. We won’t be returning to the Gorge until New Year’s Day, so I’ll list those who sent correct answers for this and next week’s “Remember When” questions on the 12^th. And yes, I’ll be continuing to write this column for a while longer – hoping the well doesn’t run dry.

The song “Thanks for the Memory” was introduced in the 1938 film The Big Broadcast of 1938 and won the Academy Award for Best Original Song. For this week’s “Remember When” question, what comedian/actor adopted it as his theme song for his career? E-mail your answers to mcseniorcenter@gmail.com, call 541-296-4788, or mail it with a copy of the Road to Bali in which he starred with Bing Crosby and Dorothy Lamour.

Well, it’s been another week, looking forward to seeing what surprises come my way. Until we meet again, an Irish toast to the new year, “May you never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten”.

“It’s good to have an end to journey toward; but it’s the journey that matters, in the end.” Ursula LeGuin.

There are many excellent centers and meal sites for older adults on both sides of the river, but I’ve heard many folks avoid places for older people. But why? Is it a fear of catching some kind of “old age” contagion causing you to lose your cognitive abilities, balance, or sense of humor?  

How many times have I been told what is good for me, but I still don’t do it? For example, I know I shouldn’t eat that second bowl of ice cream. (I probably shouldn’t eat the first bowl, but you can only do so much!) Or eat that candy bar because it’s high in sugar. Or that piece of pizza that is low in sugar, but high in sodium. So what can I eat? I know – vegetables, fruits, legumes, nuts, beans, cereals, grains, fish, and unsaturated fats such as olive oil – basically a Mediterranean diet. But I grew up in the Midwest, meat and potato country, where a good meal was plenty of it.  So, I am not predisposed to eating right and it can be hard to change.  

During this time of the year, why would I write about the difficult subject of grief and loss? Isn’t this the time to enjoy the Christmas decorations, the “Merry Christmas” greetings, and singing Joy to the World? loss? 

During one of my regular ZOOM chit-chats with my sister (you know – football, the weather, kids, latest aches and pains) she threw me a curve when she asked “What have you learned from working at the Senior Center? What immediately came to mind was to stay socially connected and keep moving. Good advice, right? But after several days of reflection, I should have answered “You need to learn to accept and adapt”.

As we age, we experience changes we never thought would happen – uncooperative bodies, memory lapses, and personal losses.  But it is important to accept “the way it is” – this new and often challenging reality. But accepting is not the same as “giving up” – if you identify ways to adapt. For instance, if it is getting difficult to drive, avoid complicated intersections. Or if it is difficult to read because of poor vision, listen to books on tape.

Although we may wish we could just take off our shoes, kick back and relax at this stage of our lives, we know it isn’t that easy. But the good news is that with effort, creativity, and perseverance, we can accept and adapt – and make the remaining years of our lives both purposeful and rewarding.

What are the most meaningful gifts you’ve received…or given? In this month’s “Through the Eyes of an Elder” several individuals shared the most meaningful gifts they’ve received. One was a quote attributed to Eleanor Roosevelt which reminded me of another quote of hers that I feel is fitting for this holiday season.

“A mature person is one who does not think in absolutes, who is able to be objective even when deeply stirred emotionally, who has learned there is both good and bad in all people, and in all things and who walks humbly and deals charitably with the circumstances of life, knowing that in this world no one is all-knowing and therefore all of us need both love and charity.”

This season is a marvelous time of the year: holiday music, bazaars, and visits with the grandkids. But that may not be the case for many of you. During this time, you may feel down, a little depressed or you just have the blues. But if so, what do you do?

One answer is P.E.A.R.L.S. – a program that helps older adults reduce the symptoms of mild to moderate depression through eight weeks of one-on-one counseling. From trained facilitators, you will learn ways to solve problems and overcome challenges; set goals; and add pleasurable activities to your life – and get where YOU want to go. For more information call 971-718-6226.

If you appreciate the contributions of art, cultural and historical non-profits, you have until the end of this year to donate to a qualifying nonprofit and the Oregon Cultural Trust to receive a matching Oregon tax credit. All you do is donate to any of Oregon’s arts, heritage, and humanities nonprofits which includes forty in Hood River, Sherman, and Wasco counties (listed at www.culturaltrust.org). Then make a matching gift to the Cultural Trust to claim your contribution to the Cultural Trust as a tax credit. The Oregon Cultural Trust funds county Cultural Trust Coalitions that annually distribute $500 to $1000 grants to area schools and non-profits.

The singer and jazz musician who first recorded “It’s a Wonderful World” in 1967 was Louis Armstrong or as many pointed out “Satchmo”. I received correct answers from Gene Uczen, Barbara Cadwell, Kim Birge, Rhonda Spies, Rose Schulz, Keith Clymer, Susan Ellis, and Janet Hinkley, this week’s winner of a quilt raffle ticket. And last week I missed Catherine Whalen, Rose Schulz, and Tiiu Vahtel – I think.

My wife and I were discussing how most stores were closed on Thanksgiving Day which reminded us of the state laws that “back in the day” prohibited certain types of retail operations on Sundays particularly liquor stores. For this week’s “Remember When” question, what were these laws commonly called? E-mail your answer to mcseniorcenter@gmail.com, call 541-296-4788, or mail it with a copy of Samuel A. Peters’ General History of Connecticut (1781),

Well, it has been another week, realizing I’m often the oldest person in a meeting! Until we meet again, enjoy the hidden fruits of the season.

“We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures.”  Thornton Wilder

Well, it’s the beginning of the holiday season – when we enjoy the company of family and also gain seven pounds by the start of the New Year! But while visiting with parents, children, grandchildren, or all three, it can be difficult navigating around and through past hurts and slights that are brought to family gatherings along with gifts and holiday treats.

But I found this advice that might help avoid the traps and difficulties often encountered at family gatherings. It is from the website Next Avenue (http://www.nextavenue.org/), a service of several PBS stations that offers advice for older adults.

First, bury the hatchet (and although tempted – not in someone’s back!). You may not forget past wrongs but try to maintain a spirit of forgiveness.

Second, keep your mouth shut! Well, not exactly. But hold your tongue – even when they have it all wrong! Follow the advice of Rumi, a 13th Century Persian poet and philosopher, who suggested before you speak let your words pass through three gates. “At the first gate, ask yourself, ‘Is it true?’ At the second ask, ‘Is it necessary?’ At the third gate ask, ‘Is it kind?’”

Third, simplify and reduce stress. Don’t be totally worn out when guests arrive. Determine ahead of time what is essential and what is not. And skip what is not.

Fourth, sneak in a few breaks to relax before, during and after the gathering.

Fifth, reinvent your traditions. Find a new location for the gathering. Or go as a family to help volunteer for a community event. Think outside the turkey roll.

Sixth, rethink your gift-giving. Give “experience” gifts: tickets to the theater or a gift card to a restaurant they would not normally visit. Or donate on behalf of your loved one to a non-profit. (Great idea. But I’m not sure that will go well with the grandkids!)

Families are our support system in times of trouble; our connections to the past and future. And when families are so scattered and often disconnected, the time together is a special time to be enjoyed and savored.  

A while back I challenged you to decipher several humorous quotes where I removed most of the vowels – a tough assignment. This time it will make it a little easier. Here are a couple more quotes from two famous comedians – this time spelled backwards. Good luck.

“.secalp esoht ot gniog tiuq ot em dlot eH .secalp owt ni gel ym ekorb I rotcod eht dlot I”

Henny Youngman

“!srorriM ?elbmuh em speek tahw wonk uoY” Phyllis Diller

The hair care product that used the catchphrase” a little dab’ll do ya” was Brylcreem. (You may also remember Edd Byrnes played Kookie on the 1958-1964 TV series 77 Sunset Strip and recorded “Kookie, Kookie Lend Me Your Comb” with Connie Stevens.) I received correct answers from Steven Woolpert, Susan Ellis, Sam Bilyeu, Jess Birge, Rhonda Spies, Gene Uczen, Dave Lutgens, Doug Nelson, Rose Shultz, Pat Evenson-Brady, Linda Frizzell, Keith Clymer, and Lana Tepfer, who I missed last week but this week is the winner of a quilt raffle ticket. And I missed Rus Hargrave from several weeks back.

Tis the season to be grateful and one particular song expressing that feeling is “It’s a Wonderful World”. The song was recorded and released in 1967 but sold poorly in the US although it was number one on the British pop charts. But in 1987 it was featured in Good Morning, Vietnam starring Robin Williams and became a major hit. For this week’s “Remember When” question, what singer and jazz musician first recorded the song? E-mail your answer to mcseniorcenter@gmail.com, call 541-296-4788, or mail it with a copy of “Hello, Dolly” his most successful recording.

Well, it has been another week waiting for the curveball to zip around the corner. Until we meet again, from Oprah Winfrey, the entertainment mogul, “Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough.

“My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.” Phyllis Diller

 Okay, I admit it. I have hypochondriac tendencies. I’m always asking myself if this dark lesion or sharp pain or tiredness is a sign of something serious; and whether I should make an appointment with my primary care provider?

And then when I do, they relieve my immediate concern for the visit but during the exam, I’m asked if I have experienced a variety of other symptoms. Now I have more things to worry about! It’s not easy dealing with your ailments – both real and imaginary.

So, what medical symptoms should you not ignore? In an article for UC San Diego Health, an academic medical center in San Diego, Scott LaFee identifies ten.

1. Chest pain: Extreme discomfort that feels like squeezing, pressure or tightness. May be accompanied by pain radiating down an arm, nausea, vomiting, sweating, or difficulty breathing.

2. Shortness of breath: A sudden feeling that you’re breathing faster than usual, without obvious explanation, and without good effect. Worsens when you lie flat or exert yourself. Wheezing or gasping.

3. Sudden intense headache: This is head pain, unlike anything you’ve felt before, peaking in seconds or minutes.

4. Unexplained weight loss: Losing more than 5 percent of your body weight without trying in less than six months.

5. Unusual bleeding: For example, rectal bleeding or black or tarry stools. Or bloody vomit.

6. High or persistent fever: Anything 103 degrees Fahrenheit or higher warrants an immediate trip to the doctor, without exception. A low-grade fever (somewhere around 100 degrees) for several weeks with no obvious cause should also be checked out.

7. Sudden confusion: Or inexplicable changes in personality, aggression, or an inability to concentrate.

8. Swelling in the legs: Persistent, accumulated fluid (edema) in the extremities.

9. Sudden or severe abdominal pain: Centralized around the belly button. Sharp and unexpected.

10. Flashes of light: Bright spots, flashes, or other visual disturbances.

Most of my concerns are not serious: that dark lesion is not melanoma, feeling off-balance is not the result of a brain tumor, and fainting in the bathroom during the night is not because of a heart problem. Okay, that last one was a heart problem!

Knowing the difference between when to wait and when to see a provider is important. But I often remind myself there is more to life than unnecessarily worrying about the next medical problem. Instead, I can worry about something important: whether my favorite football team will win! To learn more, the article by LaFee is posted at www.midcolumbiaseniorcenter.com under the HEALTH tab.

I periodically mention fall prevention because each year three million older people are treated in emergency departments for fall injuries. I’ve done that, been there, and don’t want you to enjoy the same experience. (I now make sure I ALWAYS hold on to the handrail.)

To prevent falls, the CAPECO Area Agency on Aging and Providence Health & Services are partnering to offer a free fall prevention webinar on Monday, December 6th, from 1-3 pm. During the webinar, you will learn how medications, footwear, and home environment can keep you safe and on your feet. You can register by calling 541-506-3512 or by emailing Information@capeco-works.org.

This singer, piano player, and songwriter famous for his over-the-top stage costumes was Reginald Dwight better known as Elton John.  I received correct answers from Jeannie Pesicka, Doug Nelson, Gary Van Orman, Steven Woolpert, Emmett Sampson, Gene Uczen, Dave Lutgens, Rhonda Spies, Keith Clymer, Susan Ellis, and Kim Birge this week’s winner of a quilt raffle ticket.

This week’s “Remember When” question comes from the category “Classic TV Commercials”. What men’s hair care product used the jingle “. . . a little dab’ll do ya/Use more, only if you dare/But watch out/The gals will all pursue ya/They’ll love to put their fingers through your hair.” E-mail your answer to mcseniorcenter@gmail.com, call 541-296-4788 or leave it with a comb used by Edd Byrnes.

Well, it has been another week, enjoying the rain. Until we meet again, bad always looks better after it gets worse.  

“To know what you want to draw, you have to begin drawing it.” Pablo Picasso

You’ve heard the condescending stereotypes about older adults. We’re frail and tired, a drain on society, poor memories, set in our ways, uninterested in new technologies (most older adults own a smartphone! But do we have to be on it all the time?), unable to make important decisions, and contribute little to our communities. 

To paint a different picture, this year’s Wasco County Ageless Awards highlight the valuable contributions of older adults seventy-five and older by recognizing this year’s recipients: Sherry Munro, Mary Davis and The Fort Dalles Floozies, Duane and Sue Powell, and Darrell France.

As with most volunteers they don’t want or need the recognition. Each has their own reason for contributing: the love of children and local history; to have fun and make people happy, because they’ve been volunteering since high school and stepped in when needed, or because they’re called by their faith to help others.  

As older adults we contribute in many different ways; by being grandma or grandpa nurturing our grandchildren; by connecting and sharing with neighbors and friends; by serving in our faith communities; by mentoring children and sharing an “old fashioned” perspective; by demonstrating how to rebound from adversity and how to laugh while doing it; and in the end, by showing how to exit gracefully from this life.

We know we are not the stereotypical caricature of “old”. Yes, some of us find the new technologies threatening. (Do I really want my best friend to be a robot?) Some of us are frail but with sharp minds and others physically fit with memories like a sieve. (I’ll count myself in that latter category.) And some of us may find it hard to make difficult decisions. But we all are valuable assets in our communities – which I worry many will not appreciate until they’ve traveled many more miles in their life journey.

Several weeks ago, when I wrote about Dave Barry’s book Lessons from Lucy, I asked if there were lessons you’ve learned from your cat. This week I received an email from Linda from Mt. Hood who shared three wonderful lessons she’s learned: get as much rest as you want at any time; eat a little bit at a time at any time: and enjoy a good rub. Any more lessons from your feline friend?

Were you able to decipher the two quotes from last week? I found them difficult even when I knew what the quotes were! If you haven’t figured them out, here they are.

“I’m at a place in my life where errands are starting to count as going out.”

“It’s weird being the same age as old people.”

The song released on January 27, 1956, that included the chorus, “You make me so lonely baby/ I get so lonely/ I get so lonely I could die” is “Heartbreak Hotel” sung by Elvis Presley.  I received correct answers from Susan Ellis, Jeannie Pesicka, Doug Nelson, Lana Tepfer, Gary Van Orman, Steven Woolpert, Gene Uczen, Pat Cadwell, Kim Birge, Rhonda Spies, Keith Clymer, and Anna O’Donnell this week’s winner of a quilt raffle ticket.

This week one more singer from the past – but also the present. This singer, piano player, and songwriter born in Middlesex County in England was immediately hooked on rock and roll when his mother brought home records by Elvis Presley and Bill Haley & His Comets in 1956 when he was only nine. Throughout his career he has recorded hit songs in six decades beginning with “Your Song” in 1971 and this year with “Cold Heart”.  For this week’s “Remember When Question”, what is the name of this performer known for his over-the-top stage costumes. Email your answer to www.mcseniorcenter@gmail.com, leave a message at 541-296-4788, or mail it with the lyrics to “Your Song” written by Bernie Taupin his longtime collaborator.

Well, it has been another week adjusting to the time change. Until we meet again, as we experience the challenges of aging don’t forget all the things that don’t need fixing.

“I decided to make sure my husband had a smile on his face every morning. Now I can’t keep sharpies in the house anymore.” Anonymous