Category Archives: Aging Well in the Gorge

Welcome to Aging Well in the Gorge, the Mid-Columbia Senior Center’s article series by former director Scott McKay.

Aging Well in the Gorge May 20th 2020

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As the state starts reopening, we are all holding our breath hoping that the dreaded “second wave” doesn’t come ashore – while wishing life could return to the way it once was when we only had to worry about our next doctor’s appointment, our loving but controlling adult children, or whether the season is going to be too dry – or too wet.
I don’t think that is going to happen anytime soon and as older adults I’m afraid we are going to be the last ones off the bus.
But we have learned to adapt – washing our hands more often, maintaining a social distance of six feet, and wearing face masks in public. (I would encourage everyone to also wear a large name-tag so I can tell who the heck I’m talking to!)
Because of this new normal, there has been a tremendous need for face masks and in the Gorge local groups and individuals have responded by making thousands of masks: The Mid-Columbia Senior Center Quilters Group, Gorge Makers Collective, Goldendale Mask Mission, MCMC Sewers, Northshore Community Masks and The Dalles Art Center Mask Kit project. If you still need a mask, you can pick one up in The Dalles by calling the Center at 541-296-4788; and in Hood River you can stop by the FISH food bank if you’re unable to purchase one commercially, but supplies are running low.
But how do you use and care for your mask to protect yourself and others?
The basic principle is always assuming the face mask has virus/germs on it. Make sure it fits properly and always use the same side of the mask against your mouth. And then the hardest part. Do not touch the front of mask while wearing it! When you want to remove the face mask (or adjust it which I often need to do) use the elastic “ear buds” that wrap around your ears.
Masks should be washed after each use. Scrub your mask with soap, any kind of soap works, in a sink for twenty seconds – the same as you would with your hands. When finished, rinse out the sink. And after handling a used mask always wash your hands thoroughly.
If you want a better explanation, the Gorge Makers Collective has made an excellent video explaining how to care and wash your face mask. You can find it on the Center’s website (www.midcolumbiaseniorcenter.com) under the COVID-19 tab.
The comedian on Saturday Night Live who played Emily Litella and used the catchphrase “Oh, never mind” was Gilda Radner. I received correct answers from Lana Tepfer, Patty Burnet, Barbara Cadwell, Rhonda Spies, Posie, Julie Carter (who reminded me that Gilda was married to Gene Wilder), and this week’s winner of a quilt raffle ticket, Kathleen Korwin.
If you are new to this column, you may be asking “What do you mean I can win a quilt raffle ticket?” Throughout the year (when they aren’t making face masks) The Center’s Quilters sew several quilts to be raffled during the year including The Dalles Cherry Festival (which has been postponed to July 3rd – 5th) as a fundraiser for the Center. If you are a “Remember When” winner, you’ll have your name entered into the drawing – and you never know, you may win a beautiful handmade quilt!
Low budget Westerns made in Italy, commonly called “Spaghetti” westerns, were derided by critics as being inferior to American westerns until the success of the Dollars Trilogy by Italian director Sergio Leone. For this week’s “Remember When” question, who played the “Man with No Name” in these films which included The Good, the Bad, and the Uglynow considered one of the greatest and most influential Western movies ever made? Email your answer to mcseniorcenter@gmail.com, leave a message at 541-296-4788 or send it with a photograph of Rowdy Yates, the young character in Rawhide.
Now I think I have time to squeeze in two of several “self-isolation” jokes forwarded to me by Lana Tepfer.
Ontario has banned groups larger than 5. If you’re a family of 6, you’re all about to find out who’s the least favorite!
After a few days of not going out, I saw someone I knew walking by on the sidewalk outside. I immediately ran to the window and started yelling to them. Now I understand dogs.
Well, it’s been another week, wondering where April went. Until we meet again, breathe in, breathe out, breathe in….
“Courage can overcome fear… almost as well as hiding under the bed.” Anonymous

Aging Well in the Gorge May 13th 2020

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You may be venturing out more because you’re going crazy!; or there are just some items you need: plants for the garden, your prescriptions and toilet paper (shop early).
When you do go shopping, the North Central Public Health District has several tips on how to be a more considerate shopper. The focus is grocery shopping, but most can apply to any type of shopping.
1. Practice physical distancing. – I don’t think I need to tell you how many feet you should keep between yourself and others.
2. Wear a cloth mask when in public places. As the state cautiously reopens, wearing a mask in public places may be a necessary recommendation.
3. Clean your cart with disinfecting wipes before you shop; and consider being a Good Samaritan and wiping it down after you use it, too.
4. Limit your time in the store. Create a list and stick to it. (And I suggest spending no more than ten minutes looking for that item your wife MUST have!)
5. Buy smart and don’t overfill your carts. Overbuying can prevent your neighbor from providing for their family.
6. Go to the store less often and replace items that are missing with a substitute instead of visiting a second store. And buy locally made products when possible. (The Dalles Farmer’s Market opens June 6th with appropriate customer expectations.)
7. Avoid the WIC label when you can, because the WIC program covers some brands and not others. If you can choose brands that aren’t WIC-marked, you may be helping low income women, infants and children who already have limited access to food.
8. And finally, be patient, be kind. We are ALL in this together.
If you find it difficult to prepare a healthy meal because you are staying home, the rules for who can receive a home delivered meal have changed. Now ANYONE sixty and over is eligible. Call your local meals-on-wheels program (in The Dalles it’s 541-298-8333) or call Tammy at the Area Agency on Aging (1-458-854-4100) to find what is available in your area.
A shout out to the Columbia Basin Blues Band of Rob Garrett and his talented team of musicians for playing at the Center’s first Drive-Thru Concert last Friday night. The goal was to have fun and raise money for The Dalles Meals-on-Wheels program and both were accomplished. It was a sight to see, cars parked as in a drive-in movie theater – except there weren’t the clunky speakers hanging on the car windows. And in addition to clapping, there were horns honking in appreciation. It was a “let’s do it again” kind of night.
The Freebridge Brewery is in the historical The Dalles Mint, and Sedition Brewery is in the old Stadleman Ice House which when operating was the largest ice and cold storage plant in Eastern Oregon. And if you caught the connection, the former Bonney Saddle Shop is now the location for the Baldwin Saloon. I only received correct answers from a couple of floozies: Sandy Haechrel and Mary Davis – both winners of a quilt raffle ticket.
Saturday Night Live was a must see for many of us (during those days when staying up past 11:30 wasn’t such a challenge). Some of the early stars were Chevy Chase, John Belushi, Dan Akyrold, Bill Murray, and Jane Curtin playing such memorable characters as the Coneheads, the Blues Brothers and Baba Wawa. For this week’s “Remember When” question, what comedian played the character of Emily Litella who spoke the well-known catchphrase (which I often have to use), “Oh, never mind”? Email your answer to mcseniorcenter@gmail.com, leave a message at 541-296-4788 or send it with a link to a YouTube video of Roseanne Roseannadanna.
Now it is time to put away your worries and enjoy a couple funny observations – well, at least my wife laughed.
“I was a boring child. Whenever we played doctor, the other children made me the anesthesiologist.” Rita Rudner
“As the light changed from red to green to yellow and back to red again, I sat there thinking about life. Was it nothing more than a bunch of honking and yelling? Sometimes it seemed that way.” Jack Handley
Well, it’s been another week, looking forward to being able to hang-out at my favorite coffee shop. Until we meet again, it never happens to you – until it happens.
“Tomorrow is the most important thing in life. Comes into us at midnight very clean. It’s perfect when it arrives, and it puts itself in our hands. It hopes we’ve learned something from yesterday.”  John Wayne

Aging in the Gorge May 6th 2020

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It’s been said, it’s okay to talk to yourself, it’s even okay to answer yourself, but if you start saying HUH?, then it’s time to worry!

We may not need to worry, but we are constantly talking to ourselves. And during these times of uncertainty and even fear, this self-talk can increase our anxiety.
It’s important to understand that we cannot control anxiety from occurring. This is our brain’s automatic survival mechanism. What matters is learning how to respond to anxiety helpfully, so that we don’t get carried away by it.
So what can you do? The first thing is to eat a large bowl of ice cream! No, that’s probably not a good idea, but it works for me!
Instead DON’T ignore your feelings. But DO accept your feelings. It is often an important first step to feeling calmer – realizing what is bothering you so you can deal with it.
DON’T let your mind make a mountain out of a mole hill – always jumping to the worse-case scenario usually focusing on what you can’t control. But DO notice these thoughts and redirect your attention to what you can control. You can’t control the news, but you can control what you watch, what you eat, and the connections you make. 
DON’T accept all your thoughts as facts. But DO ask yourself. “Is this thought true, helpful, inspiring, necessary and kind.”
DON’T allow yourself to be constantly bored. But DO find distracting activities. When you are focused on an activity it can make you feel happier, more motivated and energized. But sometimes I’ve found it takes a good kick in the buttocks to start.
Learning how to recognize and reduce anxiety is an extremely helpful life skill no matter the circumstances. To learn more, check out the “Coronavirius Anxiety Workbook” posted on the Center’s website under the COVID-19 tab.
The Dalles Meals-on-Wheels wants to thank everyone for the support they have received during these difficult times: the new drivers who have stepped forward, The Dalles Rotary who donated their catered meals for four Wednesdays when they couldn’t meet; Whiting Turner Contracting who once a week donates meals from Mamma Janes; Beachwood Eatery and Cobblestone Catering; McDonalds for donating gift cards to all the drivers; and the finally the generous financial donations they have received. They couldn’t do the important work they do without your support.
With COVID-19 and the social distancing, you have to be creative to have some fun. With that in mind, the Center is hosting a Drive-thru Band Concert FUNraiser for Meals-on-Wheels in the Center’s parking lot on Friday, May 8th from 5:00 to 7:00 PM. It will feature the Columbia Basin Blues Band (no relation to Columbia Basin Care Facility) playing pop, rock and blues. Think of it as part drive-in movie theater and dragging the gut (or in this case the Center’s parking lot).
To play this game, a team was on each side of a building and before throwing a ball over they would yell out “Annie, Annie Over”. I received correct answers from Anna O’Donnell, Jess Birge, Sandy Lutgens, Mary Ann Haas, Virginia Johnson, Judy Frey, and Jeannie Pesicks. And Barbara Cadwell remembers the game as “Auntie-I-Over”; Rhonda Spies “Ante Over” and Lana Tepfer “Ollie, Ollie Oxen”. The winner of a quilt raffle ticket has to be Diane Weston who suggested such a great question.
It’s the first Wednesday so it’s time for “What use to beeeeeee there!” and the theme is “Bottom’s Up”. Two downtown breweries are in historical buildings. For this week’s “Remember When” question, what were the historical buildings Freebridge Brewery and Sedition Brewery now occupy? Email your answer to mcseniorcenter@gmail.com, leave a message at 541-296-4788 or send it with a picture of the Bonney Saddle Shop.
And before I go, which many of you are thinking “It’s about time!”, here are three more quotes for your enjoyment.
“Talking about yourself proves only one thing: you’re still unable to tell the difference between good and bad company.” Guy Finley
“One advantage of talking to your self is that you know at least one person is listening.” Franklin P. Jones
“Of course I talk to myself – sometimes I need expert advice.” Edward Henheffer
Well, it’s been another week, wondering, “Who was that masked man I just talked to!” Until we meet again, stay safe and stay strong.
“The older I get, the greater power I seem to have to help the world; I am like a snowball – the further I am rolled the more I gain.”  Susan B. Anthony
Meals-on-Wheels daily menus but may change because of donations from local restaurants.
Thursday (7) Meat Loaf
Friday (8) Open Face Turkey Sandwich
Monday (11) Salisbury Steak
Tuesday (12) Pork Roast
Wednesday (13) Chicken Fried Steak

Aging Well in the Gorge April 29th 2020

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Governor Brown announced a “Framework for Opening Oregon” but there are still details to work out with all the stakeholders, so any idea when we will get back to the new normal is anyone’s guess and probably wrong. For some of you, this has been a time to catchup and do things you haven’t thought about or had the time to do; reread books you enjoyed ten years ago, watch Bringing up Baby with Katharine Hepburn and Cary Grant – again, or learn to bake a pizza napoletanaas they do in Naples, Italy where pizza was born.
Then for many of you, you have been inside long enough and about ready to go bananas! (Do people still use that expression – or am I showing my age?)
But they say for every cloud there is a silver lining, and one benefit I have found is that many events are being held virtually so I am able to attend when otherwise I wouldn’t. An example was the Ageless Awards held in Portland last Thursday sponsored by the non-profit Age+ that recognized individuals over 75 who have contributed to their communities and are a role model for all of us. (You may recall that with the help of Age+ the Center sponsored the Wasco County Ageless Awards last year recognizing Lucille Petersen, Terry Stoddard, Bill Hamilton and Prudence Amick.)
The Ageless Awards was quite an inspiration: hearing the accomplishments and what motivated the three recipients of the award. One of the recipients you may recognize: Bev Clarno, who served in the Oregon House of Representatives (Speaker of the House from 1995 – 1997) and in the Oregon Senate; and at the age of 83 was appointed by Kate Brown in 2019 to serve as Secretary State. She described herself as not the oldest but the most experienced person to ever have filled that position.
During her acceptance, she made two points that spoke to me. She said that at the age of 83 she still wants to stay engaged because it makes her feel worthy. And she believes adults over 75 can do more than they allow themselves to do. Good advice. We may not reach the heights she has reached, but we can still do more than we think we can, helping others and caring for ourselves.
Time for another dose of humor. While researching next week’s column about talking to yourself (well, that’s not exactly right, but you’ll find out), I read about Franklin P. Jones, a Philadelphia reporter and humorist. He was known nationally during the 1940s and 50s for his column “Put it this Way” in the Saturday Evening Post (do you still remember the magazine?) which set a record as the magazine’s longest continuously published feature.
Here are a few of his many quips.
“Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.”
“A fanatic is one who sticks to his guns whether they’re loaded or not.”
“The easiest way to solve a problem is to pick an easy one.”
“Nothing makes you more tolerant of a neighbor’s noisy party than being there.”
“Love doesn’t make the world go round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile.”
The influential singer thought by many as the King of Soul for his distinctive vocals and importance within popular music was “You Send Me” Sam Cooke. I received correct answers from Rhonda Spies, Carol Salusso, Kim Birge, Patty Burnet, Dave Lutgens, Carol Earl (who I missed last week), Lana Tepfer and this week’s winner of a quilt raffle ticket: Julie Davis.
In grade school I remember playing my favorite games during recess: four square, dodge ball, and touch football. Diane Weston remembers playing another game during recess. See if it’s one you remember. For this week’s “Remember When” question, what was the name of the game where kids divided into two teams, one on each side of a building and before throwing a ball over the building would yell out the name of this game so the other side would know the ball was coming? Email your answer to mcseniorcenter@gmail.com, leave a message at 541-296-4788 or send it with a picture of Diane’s one room schoolhouse in North Park, Colorado.
Well, it’s been another week, enjoying meeting people while out walking. Until we meet again, do something fun.
“America was not built on fear. America was built on courage, on imagination and an unbeatable determination to do the job at hand.” Harry S Truman

Aging Well in the Gorge April 22nd 2020

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Contrary to past pandemics, this time we have the technology to connect – virtually. By using such platforms as Facebook Live, Apple’s FaceTime, Google Hangouts or Zoom, you can still get together with your family or friends. It can feel awkward, but I enjoy being able to see who I’m talking with. (Although my wife doesn’t appreciate that now she must fix her hair before talking with anyone!)
You can also explore the world from your own home. You can visit world renown museums at the website artsandculture.google.com where you can even find unique art collections such as “Woof. Nine Painted Pooches”. And with YouTube, you can imagine yourself on a safari observing elephants in South Africa, looking out on Times Square from your hotel window, or sitting on a peaceful Thai Beech with the sound of lapping waves because you can find these scenes streamed in real time.
From your living room, you can now visit with family and explore the world – all in living color. And if this is new to you and you would like to learn more, this fall the Center will be offering classes about connecting virtually.
Because older adults need to stay home to protect themselves, the eligibility rules for Meals-on-Wheels have been relaxed so anyone over 60 can receive home delivered meals. If you are self-isolating and would like a nutritious meal delivered, call The Dalles Meals-on-Wheels at 541-298-8333.
The Center Quilters’ first priority for their handmade face masks has been care facilities and businesses that interact with the public. But now we have enough face masks to distribute to individuals. Call the Center at 541-296-4788 between 8:00 and 5:00 to request face masks and we will deliver them to you within 48 hours. And remember, the face masks are most effective protecting others. Make sure whomever you are in contact with is wearing a face mask to protect you. So far there have been only ten confirmed cases of COVID-19 in Wasco County – and that’s good news. But we need to work to make sure there aren’t any more.
Since virtual meetings are becoming so common, I would like to know if anyone would be interested in joining a virtual book club. The focus would be a humorous look at aging starting with Roger Rosenblatt’s Rules for Aging – A Wry and Witty Guide to Life. If you are interested, email me at mcseniorcenter@gmail.com.
Until there are once again community events to share, I have been including a joke every week which I hope will make you smile – even though you may have heard them many times before; and I also hope you won’t find offensive – although there are no guarantees.
Because humor is very personal and situational, a joke can make one person laugh and another wondering what’s so funny. And If a young person tells a joke about older people it can feel demeaning, but the same joke told by an older person it’s self-deprecating.
But I’ll take my chance and see if I can make you smile with this one-liner from Henny Youngman.
“I told my doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.”
The name of the top rated television series where the father never could keep an opinion to himself but would tell anyone who talked too long to “stifle” was All in the Family. And “meathead” was played by Rob Reiner. I received correct answers from Jess Birge, Rhonda Spies, Lana Tepfer, Patty Burnet, Dave Lutgens, Tiiu Vahtel, Jim Ayers and the winner of a quilt raffle ticket Dorothy Herman who mentioned that Sally Struthers, Meathead’s wife, grew up in Portland.
Some considered this influential singer, composer, and producer as the King of Soul for his distinctive vocals and importance within popular music. For this week’s “Remember When” question what was the name of this singer who recorded thirty top 40 hits between 1957 and 1964 including “You Send Me”, “Cupid”, “Wonderful World”, and “Twistin’ the Night Away”? Email your answer to mcseniorcenter@gmail.com, leave a message at 541-296-4788 or send it with his last album Ain’t That Good News released in 1964.
Well, it’s been another week, falling asleep except when I want to. Until we meet again, you know life has changed when going out with your wife means waiting in the car at Fred Meyer for the grocery pickup.
 “Gardening is cheaper than therapy and you get tomatoes.” Unknown

Aging Well in the Gorge April 15th 2020

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During every crisis, what surfaces like flowers in a garden or weeds in my backyard? Scams. And this pandemic is no exception – particularly concerning the Economic Impact Payments that I discussed last week.
The IRS wants you to take extra care during this time and to remember the IRS isn’t going to call asking you to verify or provide your financial information so you can get an economic impact payment or your refund faster. And don’t open or click on attachments in surprise emails that appear to be coming from the IRS. Go to IRS.gov for the most up-to-date information. Be diligent and if it seems suspicious, it probably is.
The Economic Impact Payments should start going out this week. And if you want to know the status of your payment, the IRS has set up a portal called “Get My Payment” which will go live on April 17th. You can find “Get My Payment” by going to IRS.gov, and then clicking on “Get Info on Economic Impact Payment”. From there scroll down to “Get My Payment”. The federal government tends to over promise and under deliver. But because it is herculean task to set up this new payment system, be patient if it takes longer than you hoped.
For those who barely scrape by on Social Security, the Economic Impact Payment is a life saver. But for those of us who are doing okay – or better, consider donating some of the payment to your favorite non-profit. I know several non-profits had to cancel their fundraising events which they depend on to carry out their missions. For example, the Center and Meals-on-Wheels are both losing thousands of dollars because Thursday and Saturday night bingo have been canceled. So consider giving a little extra to your favorite non-profit or your church so when these difficult times pass, they can continue doing their important work.
My wife and I usually don’t eat out much, but during this pandemic when the restaurants that have remained open are struggling, we have decided to start ordering takeout twice a week from our favorite local restaurants. I don’t know any local restaurant that does not help support the community – and now they need our support. If you have your favorite restaurant or have always wanted to try out a different restaurant’s menu, this is the time to skip the cooking.  Because as Jack often said, “Food always tastes better when someone else cooks it”.
I imagine most of you have been around long enough to know that bleach is an excellent disinfectant. But to be fully effective you should follow these steps. Start by cleaning the surface with soap and water. Then spray or wipe the surface with a bleach solution and let stand for 10 minutes before rinsing and drying the surface. What I didn’t know is that the bleach solution (I use one teaspoon per eight ounces of water) starts to lose its effectiveness after 24 hours, so change the solution every day.
The mail order company headquartered in Chicago Illinois that offered customers a wider selection of products than the local general store was named Sears and Roebuck and Company. I received only two correct answers from Rhonda Spies and Barbara Cadwell who are both winners of a quilt raffle ticket.
Norman Lear produced several groundbreaking television series in the 70’s. This one which premiered in 1972 (That is almost a half a century ago!) was about a family whose father never could keep an opinion to himself, but didn’t want to hear anyone else’s – especially his wife’s. For this week’s “Remember When” question, what was the name of this top rated television series where the main character would tell anyone who talked too long to “stifle”? Email your answer to mcseniorcenter@gmail.com, leave a message at 541-296-4788 or send it with the name of the actor who played the son-in-law called “meathead” because he was “dead from the neck up”.
Here’s a memory joke with a twist from the book Die Laughing: Killer Jokes for Newly Old Folks by William Novak.
A man walks into a pharmacy. “I’m looking for some acetylsalicylic”, he tells the druggist.
“You mean aspirin?”
“Thank you! I can never remember the word.”
Well, it’s been another week, driving around town with the windows down. Until we meet again, remember you are not alone during these strange times.
“The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.” Demetri Martin

Aging Well in the Gorge April 8th 2020

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Many of us have complained about being on fixed income, but during times like these where thousands are losing their jobs, (including older adults who are working part-time) an adequate fixed income feels pretty good.
But to help those who are feeling the financial pain of the COVID-19 pandemic, part of the trillion dollar package passed by congress and signed by the president includes what is officially called an “Economic Impact Payment” of $1200 for individuals whose adjusted gross income is less than $75,000 or up to $150,000 for married couples. (If you make more than those amounts, the payment amount is reduced by $5 for each $100 above the $75,000/$150,000 threshold.)
But some of you may ask, “That’s great but what if I receive social security and I don’t make enough to file taxes. What do I need to do?” The answer is nothing!
Initially the US Treasury was going to require anyone who usually doesn’t file to complete a simple tax return. But because of pressure from members of Congress, the Treasury reversed its position and you will NOT be required to file a tax return.
Okay then, how do I get my payment? Well it depends.
In most cases, the IRS will deposit economic impact payments into the direct deposit account taxpayers previously provided on tax returns. If you filed and did not provide direct deposit information to the IRS, you will be able to provide your banking information online to a newly designed secure portal on IRS.gov in mid-April. (Do not give you direct deposit or other banking information to someone else to input into the secure portal on your behalf!) But if you don’t want to give the IRS your direct deposit information (you do not have to), a check will be mailed to your address on file.
When my wife and I receive our checks, I think it would be fun to reward ourselves for surviving the pandemic and do something we haven’t ever done before – take a cruise! Well, maybe not.
I’m beginning to use my handmade face mask, and when I first saw myself wearing it, the first thing that came to mind was “I think I’ll rob a bank!” But if you would like to help folks protect others – and to disguise themselves – the Center’s Quilters are still accepting donated handmade face masks to distribute. You can find more information on the Center’s website midcolumbiaseniorcenter.com. So far, the quilters have distributed over 400 masks to care facilities and local businesses and there is still a waiting list. And thank-you to all the church groups and individuals that are doing the same to make our communities safer.
Camlu was what is now Cherry Heights Living, and The Portage Inn is now the Shilo Inn. I received correct answers from Virginia Johnson, Jim and Betsy Ayers (who has an old telephone book!), Rhonda Spies, Lana Tepfer, Carol Earl, and Nancy Reed this week’s winner of a quilt raffle ticket. And last week I missed Jerry Phillips.
Before Amazon transformed the retail landscape, there was a mail order company headquartered in Chicago offering customers a wider selection of products than the local general store. For this week’s “Remember When” question what was the name of this company that is commonly known today as Sears? Email your answer to mcseniorcenter@gmail.com, leave a message at 541-296-4788 or send it with their 532-page catalog from 1895.
If you made it this far you deserve a joke for your perseverance. Here is a one forwarded to me by Donnamae Grannemann that shows the consequences of older adults following the rules.
At 7:45 A.M. today at a grocery store that opened at 8:00 for seniors only a young man came from the parking lot & tried to cut in at the front of the line.  A senior lady beat him back into the parking lot with her cane.
He returned & tried to cut in again, but an old man punched him in the gut, kicked him to the ground & rolled him away.
As he approached the line for the third time he said, “If you don’t let me unlock the door, you’ll never get in there.”
Well, it’s been another week, walking back and forth from work enjoying the sounds of barking dogs and the smell of newly mowed grass. Until we meet again, my brother was wondering “Is God punishing us by telling us to stay in our rooms?”
“I don’t have pet peeves; I have whole kennels of irritation.”  Whoopi Goldberg

Aging in the Gorge April 1st 2020

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Lives have been lost and routines have been disrupted. By now, most people are taking the pandemic seriously: social distancing, hand washing and sanitizing (although I think my wife is taking it too seriously when she insists I stay six feet away!)
With all the anxiety and uncertainty, “When is this going to end?”, we still must remember to laugh which may be the best antidote for these strange times. So, I want to share three jokes from the book Die Laughing: Killer Jokes for Newly Old Folks by William Novak.
But first, a few words from our sponsors.
The Mid-Columbia Senior Center’s Quilters are making handmade face masks and are asking folks to do the same. You can place donated face masks in the box outside the Center’s front door to be distributed to those who need one to protect themselves and others. More information including patterns can be found on the Center’s website www.midcolumbiaseniorcenter.com.
Even though the center is closed, we are answering calls at 541-296-4788 thanks to the wonder of call forwarding. Meals-on-Wheels is delivering meals; and offering take-out but you need to call before 10:00. For more information call 541-298-8333. And because folks still turn 65 even when there’s a pandemic, SHIBA (Medicare counseling) is available by calling or texting 541-288-8341.
In addition, if you would like to volunteer helping older adults or know of anyone needing groceries delivered or a friendly check-in by phone, you can call Circles of Care at 541-397-0724 or email Gracen at gbookmyer@ageplus.org.
Now back to the show! Here are three jokes you may have heard before, but I hope they still make you smile. The theme is “Try to Remember”.
A man walks into a pharmacy. “I’m looking for some acetylsalicylic”, he tells the druggist.
“You mean aspirin?”
“Thank you! I can never remember the word.”
A doctor is sent to a nursing home to test the minds and memories of the residents. To save time, she interviews them in groups of three. The first group she meets with consists of three men.
Turning to the first one, she asks, “What’s nine times thirteen?”
“That would be four hundred and six”, the man replies.
Without giving any indication that his answer is wrong, she turns to the second man. “What do you think, sir?” What’s nine times thirteen?”
“That’s easy”, he says. “It’s Thursday.”
She turns to the third man and says, “Nine times thirteen?”
He answers immediately. “One hundred seventeen.”
“Excellent,” says the doctor. “How did you get it so quickly?”
“Simple”, he says. “I just subtracted four hundred and six from Thursday.”
Frank Sinatra goes to see his mother in a nursing home. It’s his first visit and the residents are thrilled to see him.
He patiently answers their questions and signs a few autographs. When he notices a woman who is sitting alone and paying no attention to him, a mixture of compassion and narcissism prompts him to go over and sit with her.
“How are you today?” he says.
“Not too bad,” she replies. “Are you here to visit someone?”
“Yes, my mother lives here. By the way, do you have any idea who I am?”
“No,” says the women, “but if you go to the front desk, I’m sure they can tell you.”
The comedian who hosted his own weekly variety show and whose character Geraldine Jones popularized the catchphrase “What you see is what you get” was Flip Wilson. I received correct answers from Sam Bilyeu, Beverly McKinney, Rhonda Spies, Lana Tepfer, Julie Carter, Jim Ayers, Glenna McCarger, Patty Burnet and this week’s winner of a quilt raffle ticket, Jess Birge who still has two Flip Wilson albums.
It’s the first Wednesday of the month so it’s again “What use to beeeeeee there!” and the category is “Where you rest your head”. For this week’s two-part “Remember When” question, what was the previous name for what is now Cherry Heights Living; and what was the name of the hotel that is now Shilo Inn? Email your answer to mcseniorcenter@gmail.com, leave a message at 541-296-4788 or send it with an original vintage postcard of the Tillicum Motor Inn (which you can buy on Amazon for only $18.99!)
Well, it’s been another week, trying to adapt to the new normal. Until we meet again, as the Center’s quilters say, “All together – alone, we can make a difference!”
“These changes in latitudes, changes in attitudes, Nothing remains quite the same. Through all of the islands and all of the highlands, If we couldn’t laugh we would all go insane.” Jimmy Buffett

Aging Well in the Gorge March 25th 2020

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Do you feel as if you’re an actor in an episode of Twilight Zone – living in an alternate universe?  
I wish we could change the channel, but this pandemic crisis is real – turning our world upside down: church services and events canceled; volunteers no longer needed; and we are told to stay home and avoid friends. And making it worse, COVID-19 can be spread by people who are asymptomatic, not showing any signs of the virus, making us cautious of anyone we meet. Our usual means of connecting with each other have been eliminated.
But we still need to be connected. My children have called four times in the last week, reminding me, no, more like telling me, to stay home ALL the time. That I can’t do, but I am working from home and if I do go out, I’m maintaining the suggested social distance of six feet (One solution is to carry a six foot walking stick. If you can whack the person, they know they’re too close!)
If you are following the advice of public health officials by staying home and would like someone to talk with – or you have no one to pick up groceries or your medications, you can call Circles of Care at 541-397-0724 or email Gracen at gbookmyer@jfrfoundation.org. Circles of Care is a pilot program in The Dalles that connects older adults who need support with volunteers who can provide that support.
You can also call Meals-on-Wheels. They are still delivering meals but are in desperate need for drivers. An eighth route is being added because of the number of delivered meals has increased to over 140 meals a day. And because of COVID-19, they have lost several drivers who are self-isolating.
At the Center, all classes and activities are now canceled. But if you need help with Medicare, you can still call the local coordinator at 541-288-8341. And if you need medical equipment call me at 541-980-4645 and I can meet you at the Center while maintaining our six feet of separation. (Remember, I’ll be caring my walking stick!)
For many of us, staying home is not easy. Here are ten ideas to consider.
1. Contact five friends by phone, email, or Facebook. They’ll be glad to hear from you.
2. Exercise your brain using the free “Staying Sharp” program found on AARP’s website.
3. Take a walk – even if it’s raining.
4. Work in your garden – it’s also great therapy.
5. Clean house – in both meanings.
6. Learn how to use your Instapot – finally.
7. Draw – you only need a pencil and paper.
8. Practice meditation – there are apps and YouTube videos.
9. Start writing your life story – and it doesn’t all have to be true!
10. Create a disaster plan. Nothing like a real crisis to get you motivated.
This is a time we need to care for each other. Until this dark cloud passes, stay connected, wash your hands and if you do leave your home – take your walking stick.  
The name for the moistened piece of paper rolled into a ball and blown through a straw was called a spit wad or spit ball. I received correct answers from Bud Earl, who taught in The Dalles and who knows intimately about spitwads, Mary Hass, Virginia Johnson, Diane Weston, Jim and Betsy Ayers, Carol Earl, Lana Tepfer who said all the guys loved spitwads but were hated by the girls – except for this week’s winner of a quilt raffle ticket, Widge Johnson, who remembers with great pride the days when she could get enough air into her lungs to blast one across a room… and not hit a nun! (Last week I missed Judee Flint and Ronda Spies- again. And my apologies to everyone else I’ve missed.
He hosted his own weekly variety show that featured his most popular character Geraldine Jones who popularized the catchphrase “What you see is what you get”. For this week’s “Remember When” question, what was the name of this comedian who in 1972 was named by Time Magazine as “TV’s first black superstar”? Email your answer to mcseniorcenter@gmail.com, leave a message at 541-296-4788 or send it with the album The Devil Made Me Buy This Dress.
Well, it’s been another week, riding the wave and trying to stay on. Until we meet again, I have found there are two types of people: those who stockpile toilet paper and those who ask, WHY?

Aging Well in the Gorge March 18th 2020

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The COVID-19 pandemic has disrupted lives across the globe: cancellations and closures, travel restrictions, layoffs or reduced hours, empty shelves and worse – deaths. It is a serious threat particularly for us older adults over 60. But we can do our part to protect ourselves and others by washing our hands often – Wet, Lather, Scrub (20 seconds), Rinse and Dry and by practicing social distancing: keeping three to six feet from each other. (Since I like to shake hands and offer hugs, I find that hard to do – and elbow bumps just don’t feel right. So, don’t be surprised if you see me do as the Japanese and bow when greeting you.)  
I won’t mention all the cancellations and closures, but Meals-on-Wheels is NOT serving meals at the Center this week but are making sure meals are delivered. And I’m not sure what they’re doing next week. The Center is working to stay open (which may have changed by the time you read this) by implementing several conditions: excluding anyone showing flu symptoms, limiting group activities to no more than sixteen, requiring anyone entering the Center to wash their hands or use sanitizer, reminding everyone to keep a safe distance, and sanitizing surfaces with disinfecting wipes or bleach water (4 teaspoons of bleach per quart of water).
We’ve been around long enough to know that this too shall pass. But until it does, we need to do our part to reduce the severity of this pandemic. And if you have decided to self-isolate and hunker down at home, make sure you stay in touch with friends and family. And consider this. Why not catchup doing what is now a relic of the past – writing letters.
Have you been singing Happy Birthday twice while washing your hands and wondering “Who am I singing Happy Birthday to?” Or maybe you have mixed it up and chose the first verse of a different song: Gloria Gaynor’s” I Will Survive”? Hank William’s “I’m So Lonesome I Could Cry”? or the Temptations “I Can’t Get Next to You”? Email any song you would suggest singing.
You know it’s spring not because of the budding plants, the warmer days (with the occasional snow showers) or the longer evenings, but by seeing Bruce and Lori Harris driving around town in their Today’s Rays pickup getting sprinkler systems ready for spring. And once again I want to thank Bruce and Lori for donating their time servicing the Center’s irrigation system for the last many years.
After writing last week about scam phone calls, I received two – one asking me to press 1 for further information; and the other telling me I needed to call a certain number to avoid being charged for I’m not sure what. They were very convincing if I didn’t know any better.  
But there is some good news as reported on the AARP website. “Attorney General William Barr recently announced the largest-ever annual sweep of alleged fraudsters accused of targeting older Americans. More than 400 defendants have been charged in the past year, and they are purported to have been behind victim losses surpassing $1 billion. Barr also announced that preventing and disrupting transnational elder fraud is now one of the top priorities of the U.S. Department of Justice.” So, there is some hope. But I wouldn’t hold my breath.
The name given to the failed landing operation along the southwest coast of Cuba led by Cuban exiles opposed to the increasingly communist government of Fidel Castro was the Bay of Pigs. I received correct answers from Barbara Cadwell, Lana Tepfer, Cheri Brent and Sam Bilyeu who is this week’s winner of a quilt raffle ticket. And last week I missed Rhonda Spies
This may be a guy thing, but do you remember moistening a small piece of paper and blowing it throw a straw – a favorite way to disrupt the class by harassing a fellow student? Today you can even find a professional guide on the internet! For this week’s “Remember When” question, what was the name for this moistened piece of paper rolled into a ball? Email your answer to mcseniorcenter@gmail.com, leave a message at 541-296-4788 or send it with your favorite prank from your school days – that you are willing to admit!
Well, it’s been another week, looking for the silver lining in an old worn out jacket. Until we meet again, as they said in in England during WW II “Stay Calm and Keep Your Distance” – or something like that.
 “Introverts Unite – Separately.”  seen on Twitter