Whether you call it talking, conversing, dialoguing, or schmoozing, expressing yourself clearly so you are understood can be a challenge. As George Bernard Shaw once said, “The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.”

But effective communication is essential for family, caregivers, and spouses to avoid conflicts and help improve and maintain healthy relationships as we age. The following are some helpful tips – condensed for this column – from Working Caregiver. You can find more details on their website workingcaregiver.com.

1. Breathe. Start with a deep breath to relax and give yourself time to pull your thoughts together.
2. Ask questions. Find out what is really going on. Don’t take anything for granted – you know what happens when you assume.
3. Truly listen. Hear and understand their experiences and opinions and listen for any fears driving their responses that they may not even realize. And don’t argue.
4. Slow down. Take your time and think before you respond. Silence can be golden.
5. Speak directly to the person. Set aside time to have one-on-one conversations. And avoid multitasking.
6. Speak distinctly and clearly. Many of us don’t like to admit we have trouble understanding conversations.
7. Laugh. When appropriate, humor can help ease tense situations.

Last week talked about what not to carry in your wallet to avoid scams and fraud. But what impacts most of us are the billions of illegal robocalls that occur annually costing victims an average of $1,200.

But there are several ways you can reduce these irritating intrusions.

1. Add a call blocker. Check with your landline or cell phone service provider to see what no-cost or low-cost options they provide.
2. Let calls go to voicemail if you don’t know the number. I add everyone I know to my phone’s contact list, so I only answer the calls I recognize.
3. Hang up if it is a live person calling and you don’t know who they are. If you engage with the scammer, they may put more extra pressure on you to get money or your personal information.

You can report scam phone calls to the FTC by calling 1-877-382-4357 or by going online at https://reportfraud.ftc.gov/.

You can also report any scams to the AARP Fraud Watch Network at aarp.org/fraudwatchnetwork. There you can also find a map of all the scam calls reported to AARP. For example, in the Hood River Upper Valley an individual reported a scam from someone saying they were employed by Netgear and wanted to update their router. Another individual received a robocall call telling them they were behind in their payments and that their power would be turned off in thirty minutes!

Any of those sound familiar?

Even though we think it can’t happen to us, it can. Over 59 million US residents lost money from a phone scam in 2021. Don’t be fooled.

Brain Tease. Another Caesar Shift puzzle. See if you can decode this gardening quote by Bill Watterson of Calvin and Hobbes fame.

“F’j klq arjy. F grpq exsb x zljjxka lc qelolrdeiv rpbibpp fkclojxqflk.”

The 1956 thirty-four-minute short French film popular with children and educators which follows the adventures of a young boy who makes friends with an object that seems to have a mind of its own was The Red Balloon or in French Le Ballon Rouge. It’s another holiday, so next week I will mention all those who sent in correct answers.

In 1968 this Broadway musical was the talk of the theater department at Purdue University where my girlfriend at the time was a theater major. It was a groundbreaking new Broadway musical genre depicting hippies and the counterculture scene. For this week’s “Remember When” question, what was the name of this theater production described as “The American Tribal Love-Rock Musical”? Email your answer to mcseniorcenter@gmail.com, call 541-296-4788, or send it with the soundtrack that included the hits “Aquarius” and “Good Morning Starshine”.

Well, it’s been another week, tangled up in all my loose ends. Until we meet again, as Anonymous once said, “As you slide down the banisters of life, may the splinters never point the wrong way”. Ouch!

“I got called pretty today. We’ll actually the full statement was ‘you’re pretty annoying’, but I only focus on positive things.” Unknown

Nutritious home-delivered and in-person meals are available at noon Monday through Friday unless otherwise noted.

Seniors of Mosier Valley (541-980-1157) – Mondays and Wednesdays; Hood River Valley Adult Center (541-386-2060); Sherman County Senior and Community Center (541-565-3191); The Dalles Meals-on-Wheels (541-298-8333)

For meal sites in Washington, call Klickitat County Senior Services – Goldendale office (509-773-3757) or the White Salmon office (509-493-3068); Skamania County Senior Services (509-427-3990).

Answer: “I’m not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.”

With identity theft rampant, identity fraud is costing 40 million Americans a combined $43 billion in 2022 according to an AARP-sponsored report from Javelin Strategy & Research. One safeguard is to keep only the essentials in your pocket or purse.

According to her article, “10 Worst Things to Carry in Your Wallet,” Katherine Skiba lists those items to keep at home in a safe place and grab only when needed – which I imagine is easier for men than for women because there is only so much you can carry in your back pocket!

Check out this list and see if your wallet or purse contains any of these items.

1. Social Security card.
2. Multiple credit cards. Choose one credit card and one debit card you wish to use the most and leave the others at home. And you may want to take smartphone photos of the front and back of all your cards, so you know whom to contact if one does go missing.
3. Checkbook or even one blank check. Okay, this one I failed. I often carry a blank check for those rare times when a credit card is not accepted.
4. Library card. Failed this one also. But who would use my library card to check out books and sell them online? A well-read thief?
5. Work ID card. I don’t think many of us work anymore where we would need IDs.
6. Gift card not fully redeemed. But if it’s not in my wallet I’ll never remember it!
7. House key. Thieves could find your address from the contents of a stolen wallet.

And under the category “What are you thinking?”

8. Your passport,
9. Your passwords,
10. Your birth certificate.

And your Medicare card? Only carry it when going to a medical appointment when you might need it. And if anyone contacts you out of the blue and asks for your Medicare information or money or threatens to cancel your benefits, immediately report it by calling 800-633-4227 (800-MEDICARE).

One exception is when you are traveling. Keep your Medicare card handy and secure in case you need it. And if you don’t have the information on your smartphone, you may want to leave a copy with a loved one in case you lose yours.

When it comes to carrying identity data in your wallet or purse, “less is significantly safer.” If you feel you have been targeted by any kind of scam or fraud, you can find free support and guidance on what to do next at AARP’s Fraud Watch Network Helpline at 877-908-3360. Last October I gave you an example of the Caesar Shift that involves replacing each letter of the secret message with a different letter of the alphabet. See if you can decode this gardening quote by Doug Larson.

“C yggf ku c rncpv vjcv jcu ocuvgtgf gxgta uwtxkxcn umknn gzegrv hqt ngctpkpi jqy vq itqy kp tqyu.”

The crew-cut comedian who starred in his weekly show from 1954 to 1960 that included stories and sketches allegedly about his real-life wife, Alice (nicknamed “Spooky Old Alice”) was “Lonesome” George Gobel. Although he may be way before their time, I received correct answers from Lana Tepfer, Jess Birge, Rhonda Spies, Marny Weting, Dave Lutgens, Rebecca Abrams, and Jane Nichols who is this week’s winner of a quilt raffle ticket. And last week I missed Sandra Fritz.

This may take you back to your grade school days watching short films such as Disney’s Donald in Mathmagic Land on a 16 mm projector. Or this short film which is this week’s “Remember When” question. What was the 1956 thirty-four-minute short French film popular with children and educators which follows the adventures of a young boy who makes friends with an object that seems to have a mind of its own and begins to follow him through the streets of Paris? Email your answer to mcseniorcenter@gmail.com, call 541-296-4788, or send it with an original poster for the film Le Ballon Rouge.

Well, it has been another week, looking forward to the holiday. Until we meet again, stay as cool as a fresh cucumber.

“Did you ever get the feeling that the world was a tuxedo and you were a pair of brown shoes?” George Gobel

Nutritious home-delivered and in-person meals are available at noon Monday through Friday unless otherwise noted.

Seniors of Mosier Valley (541-980-1157) – Mondays and Wednesdays; Hood River Valley Adult Center (541-386-2060); Sherman County Senior and Community Center (541-565-3191); The Dalles Meals-on-Wheels (541-298-8333)

For meal sites in Washington, call Klickitat County Senior Services – Goldendale office (509-773-3757) or the White Salmon office (509-493-3068); Skamania County Senior Services (509-427-3990).

Answer: “A weed is a plant that has mastered every survival skill except for learning how to grow in rows.”

Loneliness has been described as “when one door is closed, but the ‘other one’ has yet to open”. Or “an ‘inner worm’ that gnaws at the heart” and it can appear like an uninvited guest at any time in our lives. But circumstances we encounter as we get older: the loss of a life partner or difficulties with our hearing, seeing, and mobility, can make it easier to be more withdrawn and alone.

But we are social beings – meant to be with others. And although it may feel more comfortable just talking to ourselves (at least that person knows us), research has found that social engagement is better for both our physical and mental health. (Maybe because we find someone who will pick us up when we get down on ourselves!)

But if you are one of many who doesn’t find socializing easy or natural; and who reacts to a large group of strangers (meaning two or more) the same as you would to a dentist’s drill, you might find these suggestions helpful.

First, social encounters can be tricky, and if doesn’t go well don’t interpret it as rejection or hostility – and then blame yourself. Focus on the positive and not on what you may have thought went wrong.

Second, it may be easier to meet new friends while attending an exercise class or another group activity – something you’ll have in common to talk about instead of having to start a conversation from scratch.

And last, but most important, give it a chance. Whether attending lunch at the senior center or a church service for the first time, most groups have established social relationships built over time. And although they’re open to new friendships, don’t expect them to welcome you like a long-lost rich uncle. Give yourself time to establish your own relationships. And as a rule of thumb, try it at least six times before you decide that it doesn’t work for you.

Life has much to offer during all stages of our lives. Get out, start conversations, and enjoy new friendships. You will discover new ideas and unique perspectives (some very unique!) and foster deeper connections with family, friends, and neighbors.

The “Getting to Know Dementia” class will be held at the Mid-Columbia Senior Center from 10:00 – 11:30 every Thursday for six consecutive weeks starting May 25^th. As a participant, you will learn what happens when a brain is changing due to some form of dementia. You will also be introduced to the GEMS® State model of the progression of dementia which explains not only what is lost, but what is retained; and the Positive Approach to Care model developed by Teepa Snow. Teepa Snow has stated, “Dementia doesn’t rob someone of their dignity; it is our reaction to them that does.” To register contact Roni Hyde at 541-705-4870 or rhyde@gobhi.org.

Brain Tease: Another one of those “Why couldn’t I think of that answer?”

“A woman had two sons who were born on the same hour of the same day of the same year. But they were not twins. How could this be so?”

One of the most lauded jingles ever written for the advertising industry that practically every boy sang in the 1960s was “Oh, I wish I were an Oscar Mayer wiener, That is what I’d truly like to be, ‘Cause if I were an Oscar Mayer wiener, Everyone would be in love with me.”

I received correct answers from Sandy Haechrel, Mary Pierce, Lana Tepfer, Rhonda Spies, Marny Weting, Dave Lutgens, Keith and Marlene Clymer, Pat Evenson-Brady, Rebecca Abrams, and Kim Birge this week’s winner of a quilt raffle ticket. And last week I missed Pat Evenson-Brady, and Donna Mollet who did remember the slang term “grody”.

This week’s “Remember When” question goes back to an early star of American television which many of you may still remember. For this week’s “Remember When” question, who was the “lonesome” crew-cut comedian that starred in his weekly show from 1954 to 1960? Call 541-296-4788, email mcseniorcenter@gmail.com, or send it with a picture of his wife “Spooky Old Alice”.

Well, it has been another week, wondering where time is running off to. Until we meet again, keep smiling!

“In nature, nothing is perfect and everything is perfect. Trees can be contorted, bent in weird ways, and they’re still beautiful.” –Alice Walker

Nutritious home-delivered and in-person meals are available at noon Monday through Friday unless otherwise noted.

Seniors of Mosier Valley (541-980-1157) – Mondays and Wednesdays; Hood River Valley Adult Center (541-386-2060); Sherman County Senior and Community Center (541-565-3191); The Dalles Meals-on-Wheels (541-298-8333)

For meal sites in Washington, call Klickitat County Senior Services – Goldendale office (509-773-3757) or the White Salmon office (509-493-3068); Skamania County Senior Services (509-427-3990).

Answer: They were triplets, quadruplets, etc.

May is Older Americans Month – a time for all of us to acknowledge the many contributions and achievements of older Americans. This year’s theme is Aging Unbound which reminds us to take the opportunity to explore a wide range of new experiences without defining what we can or should do by our age.

But doesn’t that seem contradictory to what I wrote last week – that according to Laura Carstensen, a professor of psychology at Stanford University, when we consider our mortality our perspective on life changes to focusing on the here and now, the everyday pleasures, and the people closest to us instead of focusing on new experiences and taking chances?

It can be. But I don’t think it has to be if you consider the idea of living intentionally – meaning to make deliberate choices to reflect what is most important in your life. Living intentionally means not sleepwalking through the rest of your years and instead doing what you really care about.

It can be finding a new passion; not to accomplish the big end but for the pleasure of doing – in the moment. So what if your painting looks like something a child would paint or some piece of modern art? It’s okay.

Or it could mean that after forty years working 9 – 5 and raising a family, you want to spend your time relaxing on your recliner enjoying your favorite classic movies from your younger days.

Or you may decide after considering your abilities and limitations, you are going to let the wind take you wherever you are meant to go.

Whether you decide to find a new passion – or not, push boundaries – or not, try new activities – or not, embrace the opportunity to change – or not, be intentional in how you want to live and observe the world with your eyes wide open. Being intentional for the rest of your life can help you maintain a positive attitude, experience more clarity, and be more present – and be amazed. It is your decision.

Brain Tease: I’ve heard this teaser several times over the years, but I still couldn’t remember the answer! Maybe you can do better.

“Six drinking glasses stand in a row, with the first three full of juice and the next three empty. By moving only one glass, can you arrange them so empty and full glasses alternate?”

The name of the 1955 – 1956 television show featuring the characters Ralph Kramden, Ed Norton, and their wives Alice and Trixie was The Honeymooners. I received correct answers from Nancy Higgins, Bruce Johnson, Lana Tepfer, Donna Mollett, Jay Waterbury, Rebecca Abrams, Rhonda Spies, Jim Tindall, and Maria Kollas this week’s winner of a quilt raffle ticket.

Last week the question was much more difficult. An unpleasant person was a fink or ratfink. I received the correct answer from Marny Wetting, Linda Frizzell, Mary Pierce, Keith and Marlene Clymer, and Bruce Johnson – who also remembered taking his first date to the submarine races along NE Marine Drive near PDX which he thought was pretty “rad”! (Remember your first date or kiss)? And the slang word for extremely gross or dirty that I remember was grody, but Marny remembered funky, and Keith and Marlene remembered scum or scum bag. It brings back memories thinking about the words we once used to confuse our “dorky” parents who were so “square”. But since there were so many possible answers to last week’s question, everyone who answered is a winner of a quilt raffle ticket.

And as usual, several weeks ago I missed Jim Burrone from Hood River.

Richard Trentledge wrote this classic jingle in an hour, and it became one of the most lauded jingles ever written for the advertising industry. For this week’s “Remember When” question, in the 1960s what did every boy wish they were? You can email your answer to mcseniorcenter@gmail.com, call 541-296-4788, or send it with a picture of a traveling Weinermobile which will be at the Safeway in Oregon City on May 14^th.

Well, it has been another week watching the temperature zig and zag. Until we meet again, it will soon be time to get out the SPF 40.

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

Nutritious home-delivered and in-person meals are available at noon Monday through Friday unless otherwise noted.

Seniors of Mosier Valley (541-980-1157) – Mondays and Wednesdays; Hood River

Valley Adult Center (541-386-2060); Sherman County Senior and Community Center

(541-565-3191); The Dalles Meals-on-Wheels (541-298-8333)

For meal sites in Washington, call Klickitat County Senior Services – Goldendale office

(509-773-3757) or the White Salmon office (509-493-3068); Skamania County Senior

Services (509-427-3990).

Answer: Pour the second glass into the fifth glass.

I’ve been thinking (I know, don’t believe everything your mind tells you) about the book Being Mortal written by Atul Gawande, a surgeon, writer, and public health researcher. In this thought-provoking book, he reminds us that contrary to popular culture and marketing hype, we will not live forever. And unfortunately, most of us are not prepared to deal with this eventuality. As we age, we may try to do all the right things: being mentally engaged, staying physically active, and eating right, but like the tires on a 65 Mustang, we will eventually wear out.

But there is good news. Atul Gawande highlights the research of Laura Carstensen, a professor of psychology at Stanford University. Her work has shown that as we acknowledge our mortality, it changes our perspective on life, or as she says, “how we seek to spend our time may depend on how much time we perceive ourselves to have”.

She found when people feel they will live forever or are too busy to consider their eventual fate, they are more focused on climbing the economic ladder, trying new experiences, and taking chances, because if it doesn’t work out, well, there is always tomorrow.

But when you see your future in years instead of decades your perspective and focus changes to the here and now, the everyday pleasures, and the people closest to you. You see more clearly what is important and pay less attention to the trivial. You are more appreciative of the years you have.

That may not be news to most of us, but isn’t that ironic? As we ride what is seen by many as this downward trajectory of aging, we generally are happier. What was thought to be so important during our “productive” years is no longer, while friendships and living in the present are. It is like seeing the world with sharper glasses and thinking, wow, even with all the challenges of personal losses and physical ailments, life is pretty good.

In this month’s “Through the Eyes of an Elder”, Nancy Turner shares how she learned the meaning and importance of stories and offers an opportunity to learn the art of storytelling. Check it out.

Save the date. Starting May 25^th, a “Getting to Know Dementia” class will be held at the Mid-Columbia Senior Center from 10:00 – 11:30 every Thursday for six consecutive weeks. It is open to anyone in the Gorge. Stay tuned for more information.

Brain Tease: If you were able to solve last week’s brain tease, this one may be too easy. “How many pennies can you put into an empty piggy bank?”

The name of the 1955 – 1956 television show featuring the characters Ralph Kramden, Ed Norton, and their wives Alice and Trixie was The Honeymooners. As I am writing this column, my children are home visiting – and checking up on us. (We spent days cleaning so we wouldn’t give the impression we couldn’t take care of ourselves!) So, we’ll be enjoying our time with them and next week I’ll mention all of you who submitted the correct answer for the last two weeks.

I often use the word “cool” a slang term that was popularized back in the late 1940s. But there are many other slang terms we seldom hear anymore: “wet rag” – no fun or a bore, “don’t flip your wig” – tell someone to calm down, or “gas,” – any activity or event that was either fun or funny.

For this week’s “Remember When” question, what were the slang terms for something extremely gross or dirty; and for an unpleasant person who betrayed your trust or revealed a secret – and often included the prefix rat? You can email one or both answers to mcseniorcenter@gmail.com, call 541-296-4788, or send it with a picture of a 50s teenage couple attending a “submarine race”.

Well, it has been another week looking life in the eye and trying not to blink. Until we meet again, most things are never as easy as you first thought, nor as hard as you may now believe.

“There are six myths about old age: 1) That it’s a disease, a disaster. 2) That we are mindless. 3) That we are sexless. 4) That we are useless. 5) That we are powerless. 6) That we are all alike.” Maggie Kuhn

Nutritious home-delivered and in-person meals are available at noon Monday through

Friday unless otherwise noted.

Seniors of Mosier Valley (541-980-1157) – Mondays and Wednesdays; Hood River

Valley Adult Center (541-386-2060); Sherman County Senior and Community Center

(541-565-3191); The Dalles Meals-on-Wheels (541-298-8333)

For meal sites in Washington, call Klickitat County Senior Services – Goldendale office

(509-773-3757) or the White Salmon office (509-493-3068); Skamania County Senior

Services (509-427-3990).

Answer: Just one – after that it won’t be empty.