During this time of the year, why would I write about the difficult subject of grief and loss? Isn’t this the time to enjoy the Christmas decorations, the “Merry Christmas” greetings, and singing Joy to the World? loss? 

During one of my regular ZOOM chit-chats with my sister (you know – football, the weather, kids, latest aches and pains) she threw me a curve when she asked “What have you learned from working at the Senior Center? What immediately came to mind was to stay socially connected and keep moving. Good advice, right? But after several days of reflection, I should have answered “You need to learn to accept and adapt”.

As we age, we experience changes we never thought would happen – uncooperative bodies, memory lapses, and personal losses.  But it is important to accept “the way it is” – this new and often challenging reality. But accepting is not the same as “giving up” – if you identify ways to adapt. For instance, if it is getting difficult to drive, avoid complicated intersections. Or if it is difficult to read because of poor vision, listen to books on tape.

Although we may wish we could just take off our shoes, kick back and relax at this stage of our lives, we know it isn’t that easy. But the good news is that with effort, creativity, and perseverance, we can accept and adapt – and make the remaining years of our lives both purposeful and rewarding.

What are the most meaningful gifts you’ve received…or given? In this month’s “Through the Eyes of an Elder” several individuals shared the most meaningful gifts they’ve received. One was a quote attributed to Eleanor Roosevelt which reminded me of another quote of hers that I feel is fitting for this holiday season.

“A mature person is one who does not think in absolutes, who is able to be objective even when deeply stirred emotionally, who has learned there is both good and bad in all people, and in all things and who walks humbly and deals charitably with the circumstances of life, knowing that in this world no one is all-knowing and therefore all of us need both love and charity.”

This season is a marvelous time of the year: holiday music, bazaars, and visits with the grandkids. But that may not be the case for many of you. During this time, you may feel down, a little depressed or you just have the blues. But if so, what do you do?

One answer is P.E.A.R.L.S. – a program that helps older adults reduce the symptoms of mild to moderate depression through eight weeks of one-on-one counseling. From trained facilitators, you will learn ways to solve problems and overcome challenges; set goals; and add pleasurable activities to your life – and get where YOU want to go. For more information call 971-718-6226.

If you appreciate the contributions of art, cultural and historical non-profits, you have until the end of this year to donate to a qualifying nonprofit and the Oregon Cultural Trust to receive a matching Oregon tax credit. All you do is donate to any of Oregon’s arts, heritage, and humanities nonprofits which includes forty in Hood River, Sherman, and Wasco counties (listed at www.culturaltrust.org). Then make a matching gift to the Cultural Trust to claim your contribution to the Cultural Trust as a tax credit. The Oregon Cultural Trust funds county Cultural Trust Coalitions that annually distribute $500 to $1000 grants to area schools and non-profits.

The singer and jazz musician who first recorded “It’s a Wonderful World” in 1967 was Louis Armstrong or as many pointed out “Satchmo”. I received correct answers from Gene Uczen, Barbara Cadwell, Kim Birge, Rhonda Spies, Rose Schulz, Keith Clymer, Susan Ellis, and Janet Hinkley, this week’s winner of a quilt raffle ticket. And last week I missed Catherine Whalen, Rose Schulz, and Tiiu Vahtel – I think.

My wife and I were discussing how most stores were closed on Thanksgiving Day which reminded us of the state laws that “back in the day” prohibited certain types of retail operations on Sundays particularly liquor stores. For this week’s “Remember When” question, what were these laws commonly called? E-mail your answer to mcseniorcenter@gmail.com, call 541-296-4788, or mail it with a copy of Samuel A. Peters’ General History of Connecticut (1781),

Well, it has been another week, realizing I’m often the oldest person in a meeting! Until we meet again, enjoy the hidden fruits of the season.

“We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures.”  Thornton Wilder

Well, it’s the beginning of the holiday season – when we enjoy the company of family and also gain seven pounds by the start of the New Year! But while visiting with parents, children, grandchildren, or all three, it can be difficult navigating around and through past hurts and slights that are brought to family gatherings along with gifts and holiday treats.

But I found this advice that might help avoid the traps and difficulties often encountered at family gatherings. It is from the website Next Avenue (http://www.nextavenue.org/), a service of several PBS stations that offers advice for older adults.

First, bury the hatchet (and although tempted – not in someone’s back!). You may not forget past wrongs but try to maintain a spirit of forgiveness.

Second, keep your mouth shut! Well, not exactly. But hold your tongue – even when they have it all wrong! Follow the advice of Rumi, a 13th Century Persian poet and philosopher, who suggested before you speak let your words pass through three gates. “At the first gate, ask yourself, ‘Is it true?’ At the second ask, ‘Is it necessary?’ At the third gate ask, ‘Is it kind?’”

Third, simplify and reduce stress. Don’t be totally worn out when guests arrive. Determine ahead of time what is essential and what is not. And skip what is not.

Fourth, sneak in a few breaks to relax before, during and after the gathering.

Fifth, reinvent your traditions. Find a new location for the gathering. Or go as a family to help volunteer for a community event. Think outside the turkey roll.

Sixth, rethink your gift-giving. Give “experience” gifts: tickets to the theater or a gift card to a restaurant they would not normally visit. Or donate on behalf of your loved one to a non-profit. (Great idea. But I’m not sure that will go well with the grandkids!)

Families are our support system in times of trouble; our connections to the past and future. And when families are so scattered and often disconnected, the time together is a special time to be enjoyed and savored.  

A while back I challenged you to decipher several humorous quotes where I removed most of the vowels – a tough assignment. This time it will make it a little easier. Here are a couple more quotes from two famous comedians – this time spelled backwards. Good luck.

“.secalp esoht ot gniog tiuq ot em dlot eH .secalp owt ni gel ym ekorb I rotcod eht dlot I”

Henny Youngman

“!srorriM ?elbmuh em speek tahw wonk uoY” Phyllis Diller

The hair care product that used the catchphrase” a little dab’ll do ya” was Brylcreem. (You may also remember Edd Byrnes played Kookie on the 1958-1964 TV series 77 Sunset Strip and recorded “Kookie, Kookie Lend Me Your Comb” with Connie Stevens.) I received correct answers from Steven Woolpert, Susan Ellis, Sam Bilyeu, Jess Birge, Rhonda Spies, Gene Uczen, Dave Lutgens, Doug Nelson, Rose Shultz, Pat Evenson-Brady, Linda Frizzell, Keith Clymer, and Lana Tepfer, who I missed last week but this week is the winner of a quilt raffle ticket. And I missed Rus Hargrave from several weeks back.

Tis the season to be grateful and one particular song expressing that feeling is “It’s a Wonderful World”. The song was recorded and released in 1967 but sold poorly in the US although it was number one on the British pop charts. But in 1987 it was featured in Good Morning, Vietnam starring Robin Williams and became a major hit. For this week’s “Remember When” question, what singer and jazz musician first recorded the song? E-mail your answer to mcseniorcenter@gmail.com, call 541-296-4788, or mail it with a copy of “Hello, Dolly” his most successful recording.

Well, it has been another week waiting for the curveball to zip around the corner. Until we meet again, from Oprah Winfrey, the entertainment mogul, “Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough.

“My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.” Phyllis Diller

 Okay, I admit it. I have hypochondriac tendencies. I’m always asking myself if this dark lesion or sharp pain or tiredness is a sign of something serious; and whether I should make an appointment with my primary care provider?

And then when I do, they relieve my immediate concern for the visit but during the exam, I’m asked if I have experienced a variety of other symptoms. Now I have more things to worry about! It’s not easy dealing with your ailments – both real and imaginary.

So, what medical symptoms should you not ignore? In an article for UC San Diego Health, an academic medical center in San Diego, Scott LaFee identifies ten.

1. Chest pain: Extreme discomfort that feels like squeezing, pressure or tightness. May be accompanied by pain radiating down an arm, nausea, vomiting, sweating, or difficulty breathing.

2. Shortness of breath: A sudden feeling that you’re breathing faster than usual, without obvious explanation, and without good effect. Worsens when you lie flat or exert yourself. Wheezing or gasping.

3. Sudden intense headache: This is head pain, unlike anything you’ve felt before, peaking in seconds or minutes.

4. Unexplained weight loss: Losing more than 5 percent of your body weight without trying in less than six months.

5. Unusual bleeding: For example, rectal bleeding or black or tarry stools. Or bloody vomit.

6. High or persistent fever: Anything 103 degrees Fahrenheit or higher warrants an immediate trip to the doctor, without exception. A low-grade fever (somewhere around 100 degrees) for several weeks with no obvious cause should also be checked out.

7. Sudden confusion: Or inexplicable changes in personality, aggression, or an inability to concentrate.

8. Swelling in the legs: Persistent, accumulated fluid (edema) in the extremities.

9. Sudden or severe abdominal pain: Centralized around the belly button. Sharp and unexpected.

10. Flashes of light: Bright spots, flashes, or other visual disturbances.

Most of my concerns are not serious: that dark lesion is not melanoma, feeling off-balance is not the result of a brain tumor, and fainting in the bathroom during the night is not because of a heart problem. Okay, that last one was a heart problem!

Knowing the difference between when to wait and when to see a provider is important. But I often remind myself there is more to life than unnecessarily worrying about the next medical problem. Instead, I can worry about something important: whether my favorite football team will win! To learn more, the article by LaFee is posted at www.midcolumbiaseniorcenter.com under the HEALTH tab.

I periodically mention fall prevention because each year three million older people are treated in emergency departments for fall injuries. I’ve done that, been there, and don’t want you to enjoy the same experience. (I now make sure I ALWAYS hold on to the handrail.)

To prevent falls, the CAPECO Area Agency on Aging and Providence Health & Services are partnering to offer a free fall prevention webinar on Monday, December 6th, from 1-3 pm. During the webinar, you will learn how medications, footwear, and home environment can keep you safe and on your feet. You can register by calling 541-506-3512 or by emailing Information@capeco-works.org.

This singer, piano player, and songwriter famous for his over-the-top stage costumes was Reginald Dwight better known as Elton John.  I received correct answers from Jeannie Pesicka, Doug Nelson, Gary Van Orman, Steven Woolpert, Emmett Sampson, Gene Uczen, Dave Lutgens, Rhonda Spies, Keith Clymer, Susan Ellis, and Kim Birge this week’s winner of a quilt raffle ticket.

This week’s “Remember When” question comes from the category “Classic TV Commercials”. What men’s hair care product used the jingle “. . . a little dab’ll do ya/Use more, only if you dare/But watch out/The gals will all pursue ya/They’ll love to put their fingers through your hair.” E-mail your answer to mcseniorcenter@gmail.com, call 541-296-4788 or leave it with a comb used by Edd Byrnes.

Well, it has been another week, enjoying the rain. Until we meet again, bad always looks better after it gets worse.  

“To know what you want to draw, you have to begin drawing it.” Pablo Picasso

You’ve heard the condescending stereotypes about older adults. We’re frail and tired, a drain on society, poor memories, set in our ways, uninterested in new technologies (most older adults own a smartphone! But do we have to be on it all the time?), unable to make important decisions, and contribute little to our communities. 

To paint a different picture, this year’s Wasco County Ageless Awards highlight the valuable contributions of older adults seventy-five and older by recognizing this year’s recipients: Sherry Munro, Mary Davis and The Fort Dalles Floozies, Duane and Sue Powell, and Darrell France.

As with most volunteers they don’t want or need the recognition. Each has their own reason for contributing: the love of children and local history; to have fun and make people happy, because they’ve been volunteering since high school and stepped in when needed, or because they’re called by their faith to help others.  

As older adults we contribute in many different ways; by being grandma or grandpa nurturing our grandchildren; by connecting and sharing with neighbors and friends; by serving in our faith communities; by mentoring children and sharing an “old fashioned” perspective; by demonstrating how to rebound from adversity and how to laugh while doing it; and in the end, by showing how to exit gracefully from this life.

We know we are not the stereotypical caricature of “old”. Yes, some of us find the new technologies threatening. (Do I really want my best friend to be a robot?) Some of us are frail but with sharp minds and others physically fit with memories like a sieve. (I’ll count myself in that latter category.) And some of us may find it hard to make difficult decisions. But we all are valuable assets in our communities – which I worry many will not appreciate until they’ve traveled many more miles in their life journey.

Several weeks ago, when I wrote about Dave Barry’s book Lessons from Lucy, I asked if there were lessons you’ve learned from your cat. This week I received an email from Linda from Mt. Hood who shared three wonderful lessons she’s learned: get as much rest as you want at any time; eat a little bit at a time at any time: and enjoy a good rub. Any more lessons from your feline friend?

Were you able to decipher the two quotes from last week? I found them difficult even when I knew what the quotes were! If you haven’t figured them out, here they are.

“I’m at a place in my life where errands are starting to count as going out.”

“It’s weird being the same age as old people.”

The song released on January 27, 1956, that included the chorus, “You make me so lonely baby/ I get so lonely/ I get so lonely I could die” is “Heartbreak Hotel” sung by Elvis Presley.  I received correct answers from Susan Ellis, Jeannie Pesicka, Doug Nelson, Lana Tepfer, Gary Van Orman, Steven Woolpert, Gene Uczen, Pat Cadwell, Kim Birge, Rhonda Spies, Keith Clymer, and Anna O’Donnell this week’s winner of a quilt raffle ticket.

This week one more singer from the past – but also the present. This singer, piano player, and songwriter born in Middlesex County in England was immediately hooked on rock and roll when his mother brought home records by Elvis Presley and Bill Haley & His Comets in 1956 when he was only nine. Throughout his career he has recorded hit songs in six decades beginning with “Your Song” in 1971 and this year with “Cold Heart”.  For this week’s “Remember When Question”, what is the name of this performer known for his over-the-top stage costumes. Email your answer to www.mcseniorcenter@gmail.com, leave a message at 541-296-4788, or mail it with the lyrics to “Your Song” written by Bernie Taupin his longtime collaborator.

Well, it has been another week adjusting to the time change. Until we meet again, as we experience the challenges of aging don’t forget all the things that don’t need fixing.

“I decided to make sure my husband had a smile on his face every morning. Now I can’t keep sharpies in the house anymore.” Anonymous

 information to decide whether your current plan is still the best one for you. There are several options. There are local insurance brokers who understand the complexities of Medicare and can help you choose the best plan. Or you can call 541-288-8341 to speak with a SHIBA volunteer counselor who’s not trying to sell you anything and can guide you through the Medicare maze.  

From the first public demonstration of network technology and the development of electronic mail in 1972, the Internet has revolutionized the computer and communications world. Today we can shop online at Fred Meyer and pick up our groceries and then go home and stream our favorite TV shows or log on to one of the many websites that offer more online classes in response to the pandemic. 

During the pandemic, I’ve had time to discover several websites offering a variety of classes. Two of my favorites are Oasis and Senior Planet. Both encourage lifelong learning by offering classes to learn and explore in this digital age. At Oasis Lifelong Adventure (https://www.oasisnet.org) you can find virtual classes from “Cybersecurity Scavenger Hunt” to the “History of Halloween”; and at Senior Planet (https://seniorplanet.org) classes from “Easy-to-Follow Tai Chi” to “Streaming and Smart TVs”. 

Locally, Kerry Cobb will teach a virtual class on Modern Art. She will be using the book What Are You Looking At to tell “the surprising, shocking and sometimes strange story of 150 years of modern art” – without all the jargon and pretentiousness. The class will be online, but you can also watch her presentation at the Mid-Columbia Senior Center on the big-screen TV. 

Copies of the book are available to borrow or purchase at the Mid-Columbia Senior Center thanks to a grant from the Wasco County Cultural Trust. The ten-session class will be every 3rd Tuesday of the month from 11 – 12 beginning with the Impressionists on November 16th. The book isn’t required but you do need to register for the class by calling 541-296-4788 or emailing mcseniorcenter@gmail.com.   

Most of us are fortunate. We still drive, have adequate retirement income, a house that is paid for, and now our children are buying us gifts – which we don’t have any room for! Life is good. But many older adults face various challenges: inadequate housing, inability to prepare healthy meals, poverty, isolation and loneliness. 

For those of you who live in The Dalles, you are invited to attend a virtual Community Conversation on Aging. Your voice will help identify our community strengths and the challenges older adults face in order to influence state and local policies. It is hosted by Age+ and will be held on November 4th from 6:00 – 8:00 pm. Since it is virtual, you will need to register at www.ageplus.org/register to receive the link for the conversation. 

If you are concerned about the environment, you should read this month’s “Through the Eyes of an Elder”. Susan Hess writes about her passion to protect the environment and how in her 70’s, when most people are considered over the hill and tumbling down the back side, she started an online environmental magazine. Not all of us have Susan’s skills, but is there a passion of yours you want to revive?

The name of Hanna-Barbera’s space-age animated series portraying life one hundred years in the future was the Jetsons. I received correct answers from Emmett Sampson, Steven Woolpert, Jeannie Pesicka, Doug Nelson, Gene Uczen, Lana Tepfer, Rose Schulz, Dave Lutgens, Patty Burnet, Margo Dameier, Mike Yarnell, and Rhonda Spies,

this week’s winner of a quilt raffle ticket. Last week I missed Mike Nagle.

I can’t remember where I placed whatever was in my hand two minutes ago, but I do remember this television series from 1952 – 1956 when I was just a wee boy. For this week’s “Remember When” question, what was the name of the popular comedy series starring Eve Arden as the sardonic high school teacher and Gale Gordon as the blustery high school principal? Email your answer to the mcseniorcenter@gmail.com, call 541-296-4788, or mail it with a picture of Walter Denton from the 1956 Madison High School yearbook.

Well, it has been another week zigzagging from one distraction to another. Until we meet again, don’t forget to take time to take care of yourself.

“Nobody ever said that growing old would be easy. Just having to hold the newspaper out in your forties and then hair growing out of unusual parts of your body in your fifties. It’s tough on the ego.” – Geoffrey Rush

 Last week I wrote about the three daily habits scientifically proven to make us happier and healthier: gratitudes, acts of kindness, and moments of silence. But maybe there is another way to learn how we can be happier, maybe a little less scientific, but just as meaningful. Dave Barry award–winning humor columnist and book author surprisingly found a way: observing his “consistently happy” old dog Lucy.  

 Finding happiness can be elusive. Life gets in the way creating roadblocks while we ask ourselves, “Why me?” It can be a difficult journey with constant challenges and often no good choices. But even during those difficult times, can we still be happy?

I may be naïve but I feel the answer is yes. It has been a tough couple of years with COVID-19 and the rigid political divisions – along with our usual medical issues and the loss of friends and loved ones we will always miss. But we can still find happiness by incorporating in our lives the three daily habits that can make us happier and healthier.

To remind us of these three habits, October has been designated Gorge Happiness Month. But without reading any further, can you imagine what they are? And it’s not a hot cup of coffee every morning!

First: Acts of Kindness. This can be as easy as saying good day to a stranger or picking up a piece of trash to volunteering as a Meals-on-Wheels driver or an AARP tax aide counselor during tax season.

Second: Moments of Silence. Take time to flip on the pause button particularly for you whose days are go-go-go. But for those of you who may feel your day is already on pause, this is different.

Sit silently for just five minutes per day. Turn off all the normal distractions, your TV,  radio, cell phone, your Facebook account! As you sit, observe the thoughts in your head, the sounds you hear around you, or other sensations that come and go. (I never noticed that tingling in my foot before.) Keep your eyes closed if you want or just look at one thing about three feet in front of you. Don’t beat yourself up if your mind wanders.  Just notice it and come back to observing and listening. And if you are like me, try to stay awake! This is not a quick five-minute nap.

Last, and I feel most important: Gratitude. Find time each day to list three things for which you are thankful. For example, I’m thankful for all of you who read this column. (I try to write something interesting at least once a month so you keep coming back wondering, “Is this the week?”); for my children having good-paying careers so they can afford the long-term care for me in my old age. And I’m thankful that my wife and I have been together for over forty years. I think she is also thankful, but there are times I’m not so sure.

These three daily habits: acts of kindness, moments of silence, and gratitude can help us be happier even during difficult times. You can learn more about Gorge Happiness Month at their website, www.gorgehappiness.org, where you can also find a calendar of daily happiness activities.

The name of the comic strip created by cartoonist Walt Kelley that included various animal characters living in the Okefenokee Swamp was Pogo. I received correct answers from Susan Ellis, Doug Nelson, Gene Uczen, Christy Turner, Rose Schulz, Steven Woolpert, and this week’s winner of a quilt raffle ticket, Lois Kinsfogel. Last week I missed Beth Thomas from White Salmon.

If you had a rebellious streak during the 60’s you may remember this movie, the third highest-grossing film of 1969. For this week’s “Remember When” question, what was the name of the movie starring Peter Fonda, Dennis Hopper, and Jack Nicholson that depicted the societal tensions of the 1960s as two bikers traveled through the American southwest and south? E-mail your answers to mcseniorcenter@gmail.com, call 541-296-4788 or deliver it to the Center while riding the “Captain America” Harley Davidson specially designed and built for the movie.

It’s been another week repeating those all too familiar words, “I forgot.” Until we meet again, to borrow from the words of Oscar Wilde, even though there may be times when you feel you are lying in the gutter, keep looking up at the stars.

“Think what a better world it would be if we all, the whole world, had cookies and milk about three o’clock every afternoon and then lay down on our blankets for a nap.” Robert Fulghum. 

How do you know it’s autumn? The leaves falling? The cooler mornings? The football hysteria? No, it’s a mailbox full of solicitations from Medicare insurance plans.

And why? Because October 15th is the start of the annual Medicare Open Enrollment period. Since each year the insurance companies can adjust their Medicare plans, the Open Enrollment period gives you a chance to decide if your Medicare plan is still the best option for you.

To help decide, you should have received your plan’s “Annual Notice of Change” which describes any changes for next year. Review the changes and then ask yourself the big three Medicare questions. Does your plan allow you to go to the providers you want including your pharmacy? Are your prescription drugs covered? And how much does the plan cost?

Even if you’re satisfied with your current plan, you still may want to look around to see if there is a better deal, especially if you have avoided the hassle and just opted to automatically renew your current plan each year.

But choosing the right Medicare plan can be frustrating, perplexing, and downright confusing. (Most adults can’t identify what Medicare Parts A, B, C, and D cover. I always confuse Part A with Part B and it is not just my memory!) But all health insurance is complicated. Before I was enrolled in Medicare, I relied upon my employer or insurance agent – insulating me from the complexity of choosing a health insurance plan.

But now it’s our responsibility to wade through the information and compare plans to make the best choice which many of you know is not easy. It is no wonder 62% of people have not changed plans!

But there is help. You can go online to Medicare.gov or call 1-800-MEDICARE (1-800-633-4227). Also you can study your “Medicare & You” handbook that you should have received in the mail.

There are also local options. There are private insurance brokers who specialize in Medicare. Or you can make an appointment with a trained volunteer SHIBA counselor who will help guide you through the process. It is free, confidential and they aren’t selling you any plan. In Oregon call 541-288-8341 and in Washington call 800-562-6900 for assistance with your Medicare questions.

Most importantly, during Medicare open enrollment from October 15^th through December 7^thtake time to understand your Medicare options so you can make the most informed decision – both for your health and your pocketbook.

In this month’s column “Through the Eyes of An Elder” sponsored by the Aging in the Gorge Alliance, Dan Farbach interviews Judy Merrill, a registered nurse discussing the importance of foot care for older adults and her participation in the first Community Conversations on Aging in The Dalles. Another must read!

The name for a bruise created by someone sucking on your skin so hard that it becomes discolored was a hickey. I received correct answers from Mike Yarnell, Jeannie Pesicka, Emmett Sampson, Billie Maxwell, Sam Bilyeu, Susan Ellis, Louise Wooderson, Stephen Woolpert, Barbara Cadwell, Jay Waterbury, Rose Schulz, Gene Uczen, Doug Nelson, Keith Clymer (who mentioned you might get one of those during halftime at a football game under the bleachers. I don’t know how he would know!) and Dorthy Winterfield formerly from The Dalles class 1965 and this week’s winner of a quilt raffle ticket.

I remember back in the 50’s listening to the Sunday comics being read on the radio which would have included this popular comic strip. For this week’s “Remember When” question, what was the name of the comic strip for children and adults – with a bite of political satire – first published in 1948, created by cartoonist Walt Kelley and included various animal characters: possums, alligators, owls living in the Okefenokee Swamp? Email your answer to www.mcseniorcenter@gmail.com, leave a message at 541-296-4788, or mail it on a t-shirt with the quote “We have met the enemy and he is us.”

Well, it’s been another week turning over another leaf. Until we meet again, the best accessory you can wear is a smile.

“Worry is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it gets you nowhere.” Erma Bombeck